Ninja and Yasha Collide
by Alex Derus
Summary: After opening a portal to InuYasha's world, hilarity still ensues in the Hidden Leaf.  From troubles back at home to interesting interaction with the half-demon, our hidden leaf heroes have some serious adventure ahead of them.  InuYasha will return soon!
1. Naruto & the None Tailed Half Dog

The sun was rising on a beautiful morning in the Hidden Leaf Village. Sasuke Uchiha arrived at the ramen shop and ordered his usual.

Some distance away, Kakashi was heading for the same ramen shop when he passed Hinata Hyuga. "Good morning, sensei" she said.

Kakashi said "good morning. Can you give a message to Naruto? I need you and him to meet me at the training grounds in an hour."

Hinata said "how convenient; I was actually heading his way, myself. I'll give him the message."

Kakashi said "thank you, Hinata" and continued on his way.

Hinata made her way to Naruto's house and knocked a few times. When no one answered, she thought "what could he be doing?" She glanced inside with her byakugan and saw him asleep. "Go figure" she thought. After some doing, she managed to gain entry. She went to Naruto's bed and said "Naruto. Naruto, wake up."

Naruto stirred a little and muttered "would you get off the ladies, pervy-sage?"

Hinata said "this isn't Jiraiya."

Naruto stirred more and opened his eyes. "Oh, hi, Hinata" he said.

"Hi, Naruto" she replied.

Naruto asked "isn't it a little early?"

As he rolled back over, Hinata, looking at Naruto's alarm hourglass, asked "what are you talking about, it's 8:30."

Naruto said "it's still early."

Hinata said "no it isn't. Get up, Naruto." She yanked off the bed quilt only to see him butt naked. She winced a little and whined "you never told me you slept naked."

Naruto crossed his legs and positioned his hands over his waist. "I only do that once in a while."

Hinata, blushing heavily, muttered "sorry, Naruto."

Naruto asked "could I have the quilt back, please?"

Hinata tossed him the quilt and said "I'll…be in the…other room."

Later, Naruto finally emerged fully dressed. "Okay, Hinata, what is it?" he blearily asked.

Hinata replied "Kakashi sensei asked me to deliver a message to you."

Naruto asked "okay, what's the message?"

Hinata, as Naruto was drinking his morning tea, replied "Kakashi wants us to meet him at the training grounds in an hour." She was instantly sprayed with tea as Naruto started gagging suddenly. She said "I know it's on a little short notice, but that's what he told me to tell you. I still don't understand why he wants both of us there."

Naruto replied "I'll be ready in a moment" and poured himself some more tea.

Hinata licked her lips and said "hey, it's strawberry."

* * *

At the training grounds, Naruto and Hinata arrived early. "I guess we can practice while we wait" she said.

Naruto replied "sounds like a good idea." With that, they began performing their techniques. On one move, Naruto accidentally misspoke a jutsu. Suddenly, a black void opened up in front of him and pulled him in.

"NARUTO" Hinata yelled. She knew well that this void was a portal to another dimension. "What to do" she thought, "what to do." She then got an idea. "I'd better tell Sakura and Sasuke" she thought. She made a mad dash for the ramen shop as the opening lingered.

* * *

Naruto, meanwhile, emerged from the portal in a field somewhere. "Okay, that was stupid" he said. He looked back and saw the portal's aperture dissipating behind him. "Oh, crap" he said, "how am I going to get back?"

He then heard a voice below him say "you want to get off of me now?"

Naruto looked down and saw a strange looking figure in a red kimono. Jumping off, he said "I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't mean to."

The figure got up and turned to Naruto. He appeared to have what looked like long white hair and dog ears. "What are you doing here?" he barked.

Then, a female voice chimed in with "InuYasha, sit boy."

InuYasha was suddenly flung down to the ground. "What was _that_ for, Kagome?" he asked.

Naruto then saw a monk and another woman with a large boomerang approach. "You lecherous womanizing monk!" she barked.

After a slug from her, the monk replied "my apologies."

Then, a little child came up to Naruto and said "hey, you look a little lost."

Naruto replied "kind of, but who are you?"

The child replied "I'm Shippo, a fox demon."

Naruto said "wow, nice to meet you."

Shippo then turned and blasted a small air horn, having the others' arguing suddenly curtail. Naruto asked "where'd you get that from?"

Shippo replied "Kagome gave it to me."

Kagome said "that would be me."

"Hi, Kagome" Naruto said.

Kagome replied "it's good to meet you. This is InuYasha, Miroku, and Sango."

Each of them nodded in turn. Naruto said "wait, you're _the_ Sango, the demon slayer of legend?"

Sango replied "yeah, that's me. I never knew I was in any legends, however."

Naruto said "where _I'm_ from, you are."

Sango replied "wow, it's good to hear."

Miroku asked "who might you be?"

Naruto replied "I'm Naruto Uzumaki…AND ONE DAY, I'M GOING TO BECOME HOKAGE!"

Everyone else simultaneously asked "Hoka-what?"

Naruto, with a bit of diminished pride, replied "I guess you have no idea what that is."

InuYasha replied "you think?"

Naruto said "I'll tell you then. Any of you heard of ninjas?"

Kagome replied "I have."

Naruto said "okay, Hokage is the highest-ranking ninja. Where I'm from, everyone is a ninja. Your ranking is the where the differences lie."

Shippo asked "so how many ranks are there for ninjas?"

Naruto replied "countless."

* * *

**Naruto is in InuYasha's world and Hinata is the only other person who knows he's gone. Now, she needs to tell them. Yet Sasuke meets a mystery woman at the ramen shop that winds up embarrassing Sakura in front of him. How will squad 7 take this mystery chick and Hinata's news?**

**Next time- Sakura's Mom and Hinata's Fists**

**About time someone gave Sasuke a slug in the chops.**


	2. Sakura's Mom and Hinata's Fists

At the noodle shop in Naruto's world, Sakura Haruno was gawking at Sasuke. "This new blue outfit of mine, when it arrives, ought to get enough of his attention that he'll be swooned into a date" she thought. She went over to Sasuke. "Hey, Sasuke" she said, "I was wondering if you'd-." She then saw that Sasuke had fallen asleep in his ramen. "He's asleep" she thought as she rolled her eyes. Annoyed, she said "Sasuke, wake up."

A slap later and Sasuke jumped awake. "Sorry, sensei" he blearily said.

Sakura asked "when did I become a sensei?"

Sasuke looked and said "oh, it's only you, Sakura."

Sakura asked "who else did you think it could be?"

They heard a male voice say "maybe me, perhaps."

Sakura looked and said "oh, hi, Kakashi."

Sasuke turned around as Kakashi said "so, you fell asleep in your noodles again?"

Sasuke chuckled nervously and said "yeah."

Kakashi turned to Ichiraku and said "I'll have my usual to go."

Sasuke said "I don't know why I keep falling asleep in my noodles."

Sakura replied "maybe you need a little action."

Sasuke asked "what do you mean by that?"

Sakura replied "I don't know. Maybe you and me with some-." She was interrupted by Sasuke suddenly gagging on his noodles.

Sasuke looked at Kakashi and said "she's freaking nuts. Why would she think I need to get laid?"

Kakashi said "I think she likes you."

Sasuke asked "you think?"

Kakashi got his noodles, paid for them, and said "Just meet me at the training grounds in ten minutes."

Sasuke replied "yes, sensei."

As Kakashi left, a mystery woman approached Sasuke and said "ah, Mr. Uchiha."

Sasuke turned and saw her. "Who are you and how do you know who I am?" he asked.

The woman replied "I only heard that you're the one who's planning on making an honest woman out of-."

Sakura then whined "MOTHER!"

Sasuke asked "wait, Sakura, she's your mother? I thought she was a friend of the Uchiha family."

Sakura said "yeah, she's my mom."

Mrs. Haruno then said "she's got her mother's talents and her father's hair and forehead."

Sakura said "thanks, big mouth."

Sasuke replied "I feel sorry for you with Ino calling you names."

Mrs. Haruno left and said "well, I'll leave you lovebirds to get along."

Sasuke replied "uh, thank you, Ma'am."

* * *

After a while, Sasuke and Sakura had finished their noodles. Sakura said "I wonder why Kakashi-sensei wants to meet us at the training grounds."

Sasuke sarcastically replied "maybe, I don't know, for training."

Sakura said "no shit on that! I'm wondering what _kind_ of training. Upcoming mission? Next level of ninja?"

They then heard Hinata in the distance yelling "Sakura, Sasuke!"

Sakura said "it's Hinata."

Sure enough, Hinata dashed to the two and said "guys, something happened to Naruto."

Sakura asked "for heaven's sake, what is it, Hinata?"

Hinata said "Naruto misspoke a jutsu-."

"Again?" Sasuke asked.

Hinata said "yes, again."

Sasuke said "what a loser."

Hinata socked him in the chops and asked "I'm sorry, what was that you said?"

Sasuke replied "I said that Naruto was a loser-. _Don't…_hit me in the face again."

Hinata said "okay" and got him in the groin instead.

Sasuke rolled off the stool and was moaning in pain. Kakashi arrived upon seeing this and said "oh, my. Called Naruto the 'l' word in front of Hinata again, didn't you?"

Sasuke, at soprano pitch, squeaked "yeah, sensei."

Sakura asked "now, was there more to this, Hinata?"

Hinata replied "yes. He misspoke another jutsu and opened a portal to another dimension. The portal instantly sucked him in."

Kakashi asked "where did this happen?"

Hinata said "the training grounds where you wanted me and Naruto to meet up with you."

Sasuke hobbled to his feet and moaned "Hinata, I'll ask you to not hit me anywhere else either."

Kakashi said "we must go and find Lady Tsunade. Sasuke, you come with me." Sasuke agreed and the sensei said "you two wait here for us."

However, after Kakashi and Sasuke left, Sakura said "We can't just sit here with Naruto in grave danger. We need to find him. Let's go." She grabbed Hinata's arm and started off with her.

Hinata said "Sakura, Sakura, wait. You don't know where it is."

* * *

Kakashi and Sasuke, meanwhile, had arrived at Tsunade's place. After knocking on the front door several times, Sasuke said "I guess she's in her garden." They went towards the backyard and looked around.

Kakashi said "we're not quite there yet. Her garden should be around this next bend. Remember what we're telling Tsunade?"

Sasuke replied "yeah: Naruto, in the training grounds, misspoke a jutsu and got sucked into the resulting void."

Kakashi said "excellent. Now, let's get to that gard-."

They then heard Tsunade yell out "Oh, Jiraiya, you naughty boy!" Kakashi and Sasuke looked and found a sight so disturbing that they immediately ducked behind some foliage. Sure enough, they heard her yelling "oh, pound me, Jiraiya. Pound me!"

Sasuke muttered "holy crap, she's getting laid!"

Kakashi muttered "and by Jiraiya! We'd better get out of here and check back later!"

Sasuke replied "right behind you, sensei" and they both dashed out of there. Fortunately, neither of them was seen by either Jiraiya or Tsunade.

Kakashi said "back to the noodle shop. We'll try again later."

Sasuke said "oh man, that was close. Not to mention downright creepy!"

* * *

At the training grounds, Hinata and Sakura arrived. They both saw the void that had pulled Naruto in. Sakura said "we'd better get in there. We've got to rescue Naruto before he's killed."

Hinata asked "killed? Sakura, come on, he's more skilled than you realize."

Sakura said "oh, right. Thanks, Hinata."

Hinata said "wait, though. Didn't Kakashi ask us to wait at the noodle shop?"

Sakura said "crap."

Hinata checked something with her byakugan. "Good, we'll at least have time to leave a note and be back here before they arrive" she said.

Sakura replied "good. I'll write the note and meet you back here." With that, Sakura made a mad dash for the noodle shop to leave a note about her and Hinata's whereabouts, and then darted back. "Note is written and waiting" she said.

Hinata replied "okay, let's go."

* * *

In InuYasha's world, Naruto heard something fizzle overhead. Sure enough, another void exit had opened up. At the void exit, Sakura and Hinata emerged from their inter-dimensional journey. They saw that it was 800 ft [244 m] in the air. They were falling towards a lake. Naruto heard their screaming and saw them tumbling through the air. "Holy crap, I'd better get to their landing point" he said.

As the two girls continued to fall, Sakura looked at where they were going to land and thought "oh man, I can't swim."

Hinata landed in the water first. Sakura landed head-first and somewhat on her back. As she began drifting down, Hinata swam after her.

Naruto heard the distant splashing and figured "well, at least they've got some chance." He arrived at the lake and found no one in sight. "Oh man, I hope they surface soon" he said. Hinata came to the surface at that point. She hauled up Sakura and started going towards the shore. Sakura was coughing a lot for obvious reasons. Naruto dashed to the lakeshore as the two girls got on sub-aquatic terra firma.

"Thanks, Hinata" Sakura said.

Hinata replied "no problem, Sakura."

"Sakura! Hinata!" Naruto yelled.

Hinata turned and said "Naruto!" As she went to Naruto, she accidentally knocked Sakura onto her butt, water coming to chest level.

"Be careful, Hinata!" Sakura shouted.

Hinata gave Naruto a massive hug and said "thank goodness you're okay. We've been worried sick over you. We thought you were in some imminent and grave peril."

Naruto said "Hinata, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm-. What the hell are you doing, Sakura?"

Sakura, noticing InuYasha's ears, was instantly sidetracked. She was feeling the dog ears all over and asking "are these real?"

Hinata looked and said "ooh, me next!"

Naruto said "guys, this isn't really the best time for this. Besides, how'd you get here?" Sakura looked up and saw the void opening diminishing into nothingness far overhead. As Naruto looked in the same direction, he said "I guess you went the same route I used."

Sakura, now with rising temper, said "now we're stranded here, AND IT'S ALL YOUR DAMN FAULT!" She socked Naruto in her usual manner.

Naruto said "OW! How was _I_ supposed to know we'd be stranded?"

Hinata said "Sakura, could you control your temper. Besides, we ought to get to know Naruto's new friends."

Sakura said "okay."

Naruto introduced the others with "the weird-eared one is InuYasha-."

"Weird-eared" InuYasha spat.

Kagome chided "calm yourself. He's new here, remember."

Naruto said "these other guys are Kagome, Shippo, Miroku, and Sango."

Sakura said "no way. _The_ Sango?"

Hinata asked "the legendary demon slayer?"

Sango replied "I am a demon slayer. He tells me that I'm legendary where you come from, Miss…uh."

Hinata replied "I'm Hinata Hyuga. The short-tempered one in the red is Sakura Haruno."

Sakura said "I'm not short-tempered."

Naruto mumbled "yeah, right."

Sakura spat "Naruto, I am _not_ short-tempered!" She then turned to Sango and said "you _are_ legendary in our world, Sango. You're in the index of most of our textbooks on demon-sealing jutsus."

Sango replied "wow. I never knew I was _this_ famous."

Sakura asked "could I have your autograph?"

Naruto said "Sakura, not the best time." Later, he asked "Sakura, are you okay? I saw how you two came in and-."

Sakura replied "I'm fine, Naruto, but I don't blame you. I never told you that I couldn't swim."

Hinata said "that's why I had to save her. She landed in the water at an angle where the walking-on-water technique would not have helped at all."

Naruto said "Sakura, one of these days, we're going to have to give you swimming lessons."

As Sakura gave Naruto a nervous look, Hinata said "you can do it, Sakura."

Sakura said "thanks, guys."

* * *

**Kakashi had instructed Sakura and Hinata to stay at the ramen shop. What'll happen when he and Sasuke discover them to be gone? Will Naruto and his friends _ever_ make it back to their own world?**

**Next time- Sasuke and Kakashi to the Rescue**


	3. Sasuke and Kakashi to the Rescue

At Ichiraku's Ramen Shop, Sasuke and Kakashi arrived. "What the hell?" Sasuke asked.

Kakashi said "I asked the two girls to wait here, and they obviously didn't."

Ichiraku said "oh, Kakashi. Miss Haruno left this note for you."

Sasuke looked at the note along with Kakashi. "So Hinata and Sakura went off gallivanting on their own" Kakashi muttered.

Sasuke's cell phone started ringing right then. Sasuke answered "hello."

Tsunade was heard on the other end of the call with "Sasuke, I got word that you and Kakashi needed to see me about something."

Sasuke replied "yes. Meet us at Ichiraku's."

Tsunade said "will do. See you there."

With that, the phone call ended. Kakashi asked "well?"

Sasuke replied "we're waiting here for Tsunade. She's on her way now."

* * *

Later, Tsunade arrived. "Okay, what's going on?" she asked.

Kakashi replied "it's Naruto."

Sasuke said "he misspoke another jutsu-."

"Again" Tsunade asked.

Sasuke replied "yes. He opened up a portal to another dimension and got sucked in. According to this note, Sakura and Hinata both went into this portal sometime afterwards in pursuit, I believe."

Tsunade said "well, let's get to this portal."

Sasuke said "Hinata told us this happened somewhere in the training grounds." With that, they all headed to the location of the opening Naruto had created.

* * *

Kagome took Naruto, Hinata, and Sakura into Kaede's village. There, all the village folk were taking a mighty big notice of their presence. Sakura said "holy crap, it's a whole farming village."

InuYasha replied "yeah: welcome to Japan- circa 1497."

Hinata, upon hearing what year it was, had her jaw drop. "Oh my god, we're in the year 1497?" she muttered.

Naruto said "holy shit, no wonder everything around here looks so primitive."

They arrived at Kaede's hut and Kagome said "hi, Kaede."

Kaede looked and said "oh, Kagome, good to see you. Who are your new friends?"

Hinata said "I'm Hinata Hyuga."

Kaede said "something the matter with your eyes, my child?"

Hinata replied "no, I was born with these eyes. I can imagine that they look as if I'm blind…or dead."

Sakura said "I'm Sakura Haruno."

Kaede said "nice to meet you, too. Was your hair always pink?"

InuYasha replied "well, considering that _mine_ was always white-."

"Sit, boy," Kagome said.

InuYasha was flung down, after which he said "I was just making a statement!"

Sakura said "well, my hair is pink by default. I've had this color since birth." She then had her jaw momentarily drop and said "wait, _yours_ was always white? I thought that color was only brought on by age…or bleaching."

Kagome replied "maybe for a human, it is, but InuYasha is half-demon."

InuYasha said "need I mention near-death experiences as a third cause?"

Sakura said "yeah, that's what happened to my sensei."

Naruto said "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and one day, I'm going to become Hokage."

Kaede asked "Hoka-what?"

Sakura and Hinata were stunned to hear someone ask that. "Hang on" Sakura muttered, "you've never heard of Hokage?"

Kaede replied "I'm afraid not. Would that be something from Kagome's era?"

Hinata asked "era? You mean she's from another era?"

Kagome replied "yeah: 1997."

Both girls gawked as Hinata said "you're way ahead of this era."

Naruto said "you ought to have heard of a ninja, right granny?"

Sakura gave Naruto another overhead bash and said "did you _have_ to call her that?"

Naruto said "well, she looks the right age for it."

Sakura yelled "if you don't have anything _nice_ to say about her, KEEP YOUR FUCKING PIE-HOLE-!"

Kaede said "calm yourself, Miss Sakura" and seized Sakura's fist before it hit Naruto again.

Naruto said "nice catch, Lady Kaede."

Kaede then said "I haven't even heard of this…ninja…term."

Hinata muttered "oh my, that's not good."

Kagome said "that's because the concept of a ninja isn't around yet."

Sakura muttered "no wonder."

Naruto said "maybe we can tell her what this stuff is all about."

Kagome opened a dictionary to "n" and flipped to a page in the section, pointing out a word. "Here, Lady Kaede" she said.

Kaede read the definition of the word "ninja" and said "wow, _that's_ interesting."

Naruto said "I can tell you about what Hokage is, Lady Kaede. The Hokage is, basically, the highest-ranking ninja."

Kaede said "that's amazing."

* * *

Back in Naruto's world, Tsunade, Kakashi, and Sasuke arrived at the portal opening. Tsunade looked the opening over and said "I know this type of opening. Without a stabilizing agent at the other end, the arrival end disappears only to re-originate in one of three random locations at the destination. Naruto going through would make it appear at one location, and the second location would also have been triggered by Sakura and Hinata. However, whether one of the two girls triggered the third location or not is uncertain. Therefore, I'll give you vials of the needed stabilizing agent, just in case the point where you emerge is favorable for allowing a return trip to originate from. If the third location is triggered, a subsequent un-stabilized trip will have the point of exit go right back to the first location. An additional dose of stabilizing agent won't have any adverse effect."

Sasuke said "okay, Tsunade."

Tsunade whipped out the stabilizing agent. After she gave vials to Sasuke and Kakashi, she said "you use that, and the portal at your exit point will linger and stay in the location it is at. Now go over to wherever this portal leads. I'll be five minutes behind you."

Sasuke said "I'll see to his safety, Tsunade."

He and Kakashi then went into the portal.

Kakashi said "I don't know what we'll be facing in this other dimension, but whatever it is, be ready to fight it, Sasuke."

Sasuke replied "let's just hope it's ready to feel the power of Uchiha." Kakashi and Sasuke suddenly emerged in a watery world. Both instantly held their breaths as he thought "we're underwater." They both saw the surface some distance above them and swam up. Looking back, he saw the inter-dimensional void dissipating. After a while, they both emerged at the surface of the very lake that Sakura and Hinata had landed in earlier.

They were spotted by two men from Kaede's village. "Oh, my goodness, are you two all right?" one asked.

Kakashi replied "we're okay. However, have you seen a blond kid in orange clothes go through at all?"

The second man replied "yeah. Lady Kagome is giving him a tour of the area."

Sasuke asked "was anyone with him and this…Kagome person?"

The first man said "yes. There was a girl with pink hair, red clothes, and a brow the size of a beached whale, as well as another girl with blue-ish hair, deathly eyes, and skin paler than clean teeth."

Kakashi said "that's Sakura and Hinata." They went into the village as they saw Kagome arrive.

Kagome said "well, there you have it, guys."

Naruto said "thanks; lovely place." He then looked and said "hey, Sasuke, Kakashi sensei."

Sasuke looked and said "Naruto, we were so worried."

"I'm fine, Sasuke" Naruto replied.

Kakashi asked "so, who are your new friends there?"

Naruto said "oh, this is Kagome, Shippo, InuYasha, Miroku, and Sango."

Sasuke said "wait, _the_ Sango; the legendary demon slayer Sango?"

Sango replied "that's me."

Kakashi said "I never thought I'd actually get to meet you."

Sasuke asked "could I…have your autograph?"

Sango replied "sure, Mr…"

Sasuke replied "I'm Sasuke Uchiha, one of Naruto's friends."

Kakashi said "and I'm Kakashi Hatake. I am honored to meet all of you." He then looked and asked "uh, InuYasha, are those ears real?"

InuYasha said "yeah, they sure are" and flicked them twice.

Miroku said "it's nice to meet you two as well" and shook Sasuke's hand.

InuYasha looked at the symbol on the back of Sasuke's shirt and asked "what is that on there? You represent the lollipop guild or something?"

Sasuke replied, "No. This is a symbol to my clan, not a damn lollipop."

* * *

Later, Tsunade arrived at the first portal's point of occurrence. She instantly spread the stabilizing agent on it to keep it open. "Okay, now we have a way back" she muttered. She then headed down towards a village in the distance.

Meanwhile, Naruto was saying "we all get our powers from chakra."

InuYasha asked "what…kind of chalk?"

Sakura and Hinata were dumbfounded. "You don't know what chakra is?" they simultaneously asked.

Kagome replied "uh…no."

Sakura muttered "dear lord, these people are _dense_."

Hinata said "I guess we'll have to tell you what chakra is."

Naruto said "it's what fuels our special powers…like this." He then performed his sexy harem jutsu, causing Miroku to flip out and Sango to roll her eyes at the monk.

InuYasha saw the transformation and asked "what the hell is this?"

Naruto replied "I call this my sexy jutsu."

Sango asked "_what_ kind of suit?"

Naruto un-transformed and replied "not suit, jutsu!"

Sakura said "a jutsu is what we call a special chakra-fueled ability."

Hinata said "I can see why you don't know much about this: I don't see any chakra in any of you. However, I'm seeing a ton of chakra in that spherical…pendant…of yours."

Kagome looked at the sacred jewel she was wearing and asked "oh, this? This is the sacred jewel."

Naruto muttered "chakra in a gem: what _will_ they think of next?"

* * *

Tsunade arrived and said "Naruto."

Naruto looked and said "oh, granny Tsunade."

Miroku saw Tsunade and said "holy crap, she's gorgeous."

Kakashi muttered "don't let her looks fool you, she's at least 50 years old."

Miroku looked at Kakashi and replied "stop joking around she doesn't look like she's in her fifties."

Tsunade said "he's not joking, my good sir."

Miroku replied "you look like you're in your 20's. Besides would you bear me a son?" Tsunade's reply came in the form of her mega-earthquake technique. This stunned everyone else from InuYasha's world as he groaned "I…guess I'll…take that as a 'no'."

InuYasha said "gee, no shit, Sherlock?"

Tsunade said "I already have a boyfriend, pervert."

Miroku, stunned by this, asked "what?"

Tsunade turned to Naruto and asked "so, who are these people?"

Naruto replied "this is Kagome, InuYasha, Shippo, Miroku the perv, and Sango."

Tsunade asked "no way. _The_ Sango?"

Sango asked "wait, she knows me?"

InuYasha replied "uh, she _is_ from their world. Do you not remember Naruto telling you how famous you are there?"

Sango replied "sorry, I forgot. I didn't think I'd be that famous over there." She then thought for a moment and said "of course, then again, I did just autograph Mr. Uchiha's stomach."

Sasuke replied "at least you signed my book as originally intended afterwards. I didn't expect to feel that pen of yours on my skin." He then looked and was shocked to see Sango's name in a pen-drawn heart banner. He asked "how did _that_ happen?"

Sakura looked and said "Sasuke, you two-timer!"

Sasuke said "I didn't know about this heart banner until now."

Sakura looked and saw Sango blushing slightly. "Uh, are you getting a sunburn on your cheeks, Sango?" she asked.

InuYasha muttered "ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. Somebody's in love."

Sango said "you want to shut up, InuYasha?"

* * *

After a while, they all gathered at the portal opening. "You know" Naruto said, "maybe you guys can visit us sometime. We're having a spectator event of one of our exams real soon."

Kagome replied "I guess we can look into that."

With that, Naruto said "until we meet again, guys" and went into the portal. Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, Kakashi, and Tsunade followed him in.

They all arrived back in their own world and Tsunade said "I'll take care of securing this void you created, Naruto; we don't need it to fall into the wrong hands."

Naruto replied "okay, Granny Tsunade." With that, Naruto and Hinata were off in one direction with Kakashi, while Sasuke and Sakura headed elsewhere.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Kakashi had Naruto and Hinata in the training grounds, as he had planned for them to be earlier. Kurenai was there, too. Naruto asked "so, Kakashi sensei, what's the deal, here? Why'd you need us to meet you here?"

Kakashi replied "I was going to inform the two of you that you would be training for the upcoming Somad exams with a special trainer. His skills are beyond even mine. Kurenai and I feel that you two will need some special work on your skills."

Hinata asked "when are we going to meet this trainer?"

Kakashi replied "you're scheduled to meet him here two days from now at 10:00 that morning. Until then, you two will train with your own squads."

Kurenai said "I trust that you'll be okay with this."

Hinata replied "yeah," but Naruto shot back with "well, as long as it's not Ebisu."

Kurenai said "you needn't worry, Naruto; it won't be Ebisu. I met him myself." She then sighed and blushed, saying "although, I _must_ admit he's a bit of a dream boat."

Kakashi said "now, now, Kurenai, don't you go trying to go after him again. Remember, he's already got a girlfriend of his own."

Kurenai said "darn it, like I need the reminder."

* * *

**Naruto was supposed to meet up with the rest of squad 7 for training. Could he be oversleeping? Sick? Did he simply forget they were to be training?**

**Next Time- Missed Training: the Ailing of Naruto**


	4. Missed Training: the Ailing of Naruto

****

**Before we begin, I have one little note. I am unaware of the form of currency that is used in the Naruto world (given inconsistency between each "Clash of Ninja" game). With this, I am unable to make accurate monetary value estimates in this mystery currency. Therefore, all monetary values in this chapter (as well as throughout the rest of my story) will be stated in U.S. Dollars (USD). Now, on with the story.**

* * *

The next morning, Sasuke and Sakura were at the training grounds with Kakashi. "Where the heck is Naruto" Kakashi asked.

Sakura, getting ticked, muttered "he'd _better_ not be oversleeping on us."

Kakashi said "Sasuke, why don't you check and see what's going on. I suppose he may have forgotten that we're to be training here today."

Sasuke replied "understood" and went on his way. He arrived at Naruto's house and was able to slip inside. He looked around for him and thought "I suppose Sakura was correct." Just as he was about to call for Naruto however, he then heard a strange noise upstairs and muttered "what the hell?" He went up and looked in Naruto's room. He saw more humidifiers than a sauna, all turned on and churning out their mist clouds. In addition, he saw some water, a box of facial tissues, and over-the-counter medications on a small table next to the bed, along with a small container below the table, and Naruto still in the bed. "Naruto" he said as he went around to the side of the bed.

Naruto looked up and, in a weak and nasally-congested voice, said "oh hi, Sasuke."

Sasuke saw that Naruto appeared to be in terrible shape: his eyes were exceptionally puffy, his nose appeared to have been running for quite a while, he looked all pasty and clammy, and he appeared to have a fever. "Holy crap, Naruto" he said.

Naruto then grabbed the container, flung his head close to it, and vomited with the same noise that Sasuke had heard when he was downstairs. "Sorry, Sasuke" he muttered afterwards.

Sasuke asked "how long have you been feeling like this?"

Naruto replied "since around 4:00 this morning."

Sasuke put his hand on Naruto's forehead and looked worried. "You're burning up, Naruto."

Naruto said "oh, crap, we're supposed to be training today. Tell Kakashi I'll be ready in a moment."

Naruto tried to get up when Sasuke restrained him with "no, no, no, you are not. You are not getting out of that bed. You are in no condition to be training at all. I'll call Kakashi and let him know what's going on. I'll get him over here to see it." He went downstairs to the phone only to roll his eyes and mutter "of course, it's a rotary dial phone. Naruto, seriously, you need to upgrade."

He dialed the number and heard Kakashi answer "hello."

Sasuke said "Kakashi, it's Sasuke."

He then heard Sakura's voice begin ranting with "is he oversleeping again, Sasuke? Ooh, he really pisses me off when he does that on us."

Sasuke said "Sakura, calm down. He's not oversleeping. He's actually sick. I found him with half a dozen humidifiers with some nasal congestion, vomiting, and a fever."

Sakura said "oh my. I didn't realize how sick he was."

Sasuke said "he said it started around 4:00 this morning. I need you both to come down here."

Kakashi replied "we're on our way." With that, the phone call ended.

Sasuke then proceeded to dial Tsunade's number, cussing under his breath about the rotary dial in the process.

He then heard Naruto yell "what was all that angry muttering, Sasuke?"

Sasuke wondered "how'd he hear all that?" He then said "uh…I'll tell you when I'm off the phone, Naruto."

The call connected and he heard Tsunade's voice with "you've reached the desk of Tsunade. I'm either away from my desk or with someone. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

After the answering machine's tone, Sasuke said "Tsunade, this is Sasuke. Whenever you get this message, give me a call at Naruto's number. I really need to talk to you." After hanging up, he went back upstairs to Naruto's room.

Naruto prompted "now, about that angry mumbling while you were dialing that second number."

Sasuke replied "I was only doing that because of the damn rotary dial of yours."

Naruto said "it does the job, doesn't it?"

Sasuke replied "I realize that, it's just that I really think you need to upgrade to the newer versions with touch-tone dialing. I understand you get a kick out of this old stuff, but sometimes it's a good thing to get a little change out."

Naruto stated "my knack for old-time stuff is only 98% of it. That phone was the one my mom had before she…well-."

Sasuke said "I never knew that phone was your mom's. I'm only suggesting adding a touch-tone phone to this line, so you can still keep that old stuff with some new stuff for balance. That's all I'm saying. I don't mean to offend you or anyone. Since it's your mom's phone, I understand why you want to use that phone." Then, a knock was heard at the door. "I wonder if that's Sakura and Kakashi" he wondered. He went downstairs and answered the door, only to be surprised when he found Hinata at the door instead. "Hinata?" he asked.

"Sasuke, didn't expect to find you here" she replied, "where's Naruto?"

Sasuke stated "he's upstairs."

Hinata was holding a plush bear with a heart on its stomach that read "get well soon."

"How did you know about Naruto being sick" Sasuke asked.

Hinata replied "Kakashi and Sakura told me, so I had to get him something. They said they had to stop somewhere."

Sasuke said "okay. Did they say where?"

Hinata replied "Tsunade's…I think."

Sasuke said "well, he's upstairs. Did you bring anything else for him?"

Hinata replied "yeah. OH, NEJI!"

Sasuke then saw Neji approaching with a massive stack of bears and chocolates and cards and stuff. Neji actually had to peer out from the side of the stack of stuff to say "Hinata insisted we get all this."

Sasuke, noticing the teetering pile, asked "do you need any help, Neji?"

Neji replied "I made it this far."

Sasuke said "still, you're making me nervous." With that, he got some of the stuff off the top of the pile that Neji was carrying. Instantly, the shifting pile stabilized itself, and the two hauled the stuff upstairs to Naruto's room.

Hinata was with Naruto as Sasuke and Neji arrived. She was on the verge of tears as she moaned "you poor thing, Naruto."

Sasuke said "Hinata, don't worry. As soon as Tsunade gets here, we'll know what's going on."

Neji said "I would have to agree with Sasuke. Besides, did we _really_ need to get him all this?"

Hinata turned to Neji and, angrily poking him, barked "listen, if you found out Tenten was this ill, would _you_ skimp on this stuff?"

Neji said "I don't know; I've never had that situation. Would you also stop poking me? I understand that Naruto is sick, and I also understand that you've got the-."

Hinata instantly clamped her hand over Neji's mouth and hissed "don't; Naruto mustn't know."

Neji removed Hinata's hand and replied "he needs to know sooner or later, Hinata."

Hinata said "let's _make_ it later then." She then thought "I don't know how he'll take to the fact that I've got the hots for him."

Neji was about to retort when he was interrupted by Naruto tossing his cookies again. Sasuke said "could we argue later, please? Hinata, how about replacing this container with a fresh one?"

Hinata replied "okay; I'll do anything for Naruto." With that, she swapped out the containers and went to wash out the first one.

* * *

After a while, Sakura and Kakashi arrived with Tsunade in tow. Sasuke escorted them upstairs and said "here he is."

Naruto muttered "Sakura, I heard your angry ranting on the phone earlier. I think you really _are_ hot-tempered."

Sakura said "I am not!"

Sasuke said "can we argue when Naruto is completely well?"

Sakura said "Naruto, you look terrible. You're all pasty and clammy." She felt his forehead and said "you're also burning up."

Hinata arrived with the washed-out container and said "here you are, Naruto."

Tsunade took his temperature and said "oh my, 105 degrees Fahrenheit [40 degrees Celsius]."

Sakura said "oh man."

Naruto flung his head down in the replacement container and vomited again. "Oh man" he said, "guys, I'll be ready in a moment."

Sakura held Naruto against his mattress and said "no, you are _not_. You're in no condition to be training. We need to cure you of your illness first."

Kakashi said "she _does_ have a point, Naruto."

* * *

Downstairs, Sasuke was with Tsunade as she worked out her diagnosis. "Sakura" she called.

Sakura dashed down to where Tsunade was and asked "what's going on?"

Tsunade replied "I know what's ailing Naruto. I'll need to make a potion to cure him. There's just one tiny little catch to this, though."

Sasuke and Sakura simultaneously asked "what's that?"

Tsunade replied "it'll need to be administered…with a needle."

"Great" Sakura said, "Naruto is nervous as hell when it comes to needles; even just watching them on TV."

Sasuke said "if you think I'm going to get on top of him to hold him down, you are _sorely_ mistaken."

Tsunade said "just have him hold one of you guy's hands; it'll be over in a flash when it's time."

As Tsunade began mixing the potion in a large spaghetti-sized pot on the stove, Sakura had a mental light bulb turn on. "Flash; Hmmm" she thought.

* * *

Some 20 minutes later, Tsunade arrived upstairs. Sakura had just finished briefing Hinata on her idea. "Okay, Sakura, I'll do this with you" Hinata said.

Tsunade said "uh, potion is ready." She kept the (now capped) needle behind her back and asked "so, what's your plan for restraining Naruto?"

Sakura said "something that'll have him not even need any restraining at all."

Tsunade asked "what do you have in mind." Sakura whispered it in Tsunade's ear, only to have Tsunade's eyes open widely. "Are you serious?" she asked, "Are you saying that you and Hinata plan to-?"

"Exactly" Sakura replied.

Naruto asked "hey, granny Tsunade, where's this potion?"

Tsunade replied "well, here's the thing about the potion. Although it'll have you back in good health by the end of the day, it'll have to be administered intravenously."

Naruto asked "you mean…with a NEEDLE?"

"I'm sorry, but there's no other way" Tsunade replied.

Sakura, meanwhile, positioned herself and Hinata near the side of the bed. "Ready for this, Hinata?" she asked.

Hinata replied "just tell me when, Sakura."

Sakura muttered "on my mark." She then turned to a nervous Naruto and had him turn to look at them with "hey, Naruto."

Naruto looked and asked "what is it, Sakura?"

Sakura barked "now." She and Hinata flung open their shirts.

Naruto, not expecting to be seeing their bare breasts, was transfixed by the sight. "Oh wow, I'm in heaven" he said.

Sasuke, Kakashi, and Neji, however did not share Naruto's interest. Neji clamped his eyes shut, turned away, and yelled "HINATA!"

Kakashi and Sasuke both cringed. "Oh, dear god, Sakura" Sasuke barked.

Kakashi said "I just _had_ to see my own student flashing my other student."

With Naruto distracted, Tsunade positioned the needle for the injection. He muttered "wow, guys, this is amazing."

Sakura replied "we're just getting warmed up."

Sasuke and Neji simultaneously barked "what?"

With that, Sakura and Hinata both began sensually rubbing their own racks. Sasuke moaned "Tsunade, you want to hurry up? I don't want to see Sakura do this!"

Naruto muttered "you big baby, Sasuke."

Sasuke said "that's not what I mean, Naruto. You think I'm a perverted dog, like Jiraiya?"

Naruto replied "no, but you _do_ need to live a little."

Neji then chimed in with "I do _plenty_ of living; not watching two girls revealing their breasts. I'm not a perverted dog." He accidentally looked too soon and saw Hinata moving her hands all over her breasts. "Hinata, enough is enough with the damn rubbing already!"

Naruto simply muttered "right, like you don't imagine Tenten doing this for you."

Neji snapped "like it's any of your business. This is neither the time nor the place to be thinking of that." However, he did feel a little something of his begin extending. "Tsunade" he said after getting his mind off the mental image of a half-naked Tenten, "how much longer do I have to be put through this?" He then accidentally looked again and cringed. This time, though, he saw Hinata have Naruto's other hand in hers, moving it across her boobs. "HINATA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING" he yelled.

Naruto muttered "oh, Hinata, this is the best thing that's ever happened to-. OW! SON OF A BITCH, THAT FUCKING HURT!"

As Hinata and Sakura instantly buttoned back up, Neji and Sasuke were mighty relieved. Their relief, however, was eclipsed by Naruto's almost continuous cussing, including a certain phrase that was initialed "G.D." Sasuke, ticked at Naruto's repeated use of the g.d. word, burst out with "NARUTO, I'M GOING TO-!"

Naruto said "go fuck yourself."

Sasuke replied "no, that's not it" and gave Naruto the finger.

Naruto yelled "well, [g.d.] it, Sasuke, it FUCKING HURTS!"

Sasuke was about to sock Naruto in the chops when Neji grabbed his fist. "Hold it, Sasuke" he said, "I understand you're ticked about that certain word, but you need to understand that Naruto hates needles, and he needs to conquer that fear instead of having two ladies distract him, ahem, ahem, Hinata and Sakura."

Sakura said "he gets nervous; even watching them on TV."

Neji said "either way, Naruto, you need to conquer this fear of needles of yours, or it'll really mess you up in real life. I'll help if need be, but how about we let you get the rest you need."

* * *

Throughout the rest of the day, Tsunade kept an eye on Naruto's conditions. Downstairs, however, Hinata asked "how could you _possibly_ help him out, Neji; I don't recall _you_ having a rack like-."

Neji, stopping Hinata from flinging her top open again, said "Hinata, no, that's not what I meant. Remember how my dad got me over my fear of the dark?"

Hinata replied "you mean besides a night light and a Playboy magazine."

Neji remarked "I never had Playboy."

Hinata barked "darn it, thought I had you there."

Neji said "the way dad helped me get over my fear was the promise I made him to conquer my fear should something happen to him. When he died, I got rid of the night light and slept in the dark."

Sakura stifled some giggling and remarked "yeah, with Tenten."

Neji said "would you stop with your juvenile quips? I was eight. I didn't even know her then."

Tsunade then called "oh, guys, he's back to normal."

They all raced back upstairs and saw Naruto sitting up. All the humidifiers were turned off as Sasuke said "how are you feeling?"

Naruto, no longer sounding congested, replied "I think I feel a lot better. I'm actually able to breathe normally." Hinata saw that Naruto had even opened one of the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates she had bought for him. "Hinata" he said, "these are good chocolates."

Hinata blushed, started tapping her fingers, and replied "thanks. I bought them as a get well soon gift."

Sakura said "well, I hope you and Hinata are ready to meet your special sensei tomorrow."

Naruto replied "oh yeah. I'm ready for him."

Hinata said "as am I. I hear rumors that he wasn't originally _from_ here in the leaf village."

Sasuke said "you're right. I forgot where Kakashi said he was from, though."

Sakura said "don't look at me, Sasuke. I didn't hear where this guy was from, either."

Neji said "come on, Hinata, we need to get going. You also owe me BIG TIME."

As Hinata and the others left, Sasuke muttered "what does she owe _you_ for?"

Neji replied "well, she may have told Naruto that she bought the chocolates and bears and stuff, but _I_ was the one that had to pay the tab. She had me buy $347 worth of get well stuff."

Sasuke and Sakura were both shocked. "$347" Sasuke asked.

Neji replied "she insisted that we only get the best quality."

"I didn't want to get him tasteless second-rate chocolate" Hinata said.

Neji barked "those boxes of chocolates were $78 a pop!"

Hinata muttered "I said I'd pay you back, Neji. Wouldn't you have only gotten the best for Tenten?"

Neji said "Hinata, leave Tenten out of this, please. I never had that situation, so I can't say if I'd have done the same."

Sasuke said "well Sakura and I need to get back to our places. See you two sometime."

Sakura and Sasuke went their separate ways home as Hinata said "okay, see you." She then began chanting "Neji and Tenten sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"Hinata" Neji muttered.

Hinata just continued with "first comes the love, then comes the marriage…"

"_Hinata_!"

"Then comes the baby in a baby car-."

"HINATA!"

* * *

**With Naruto well again, it's time he'll meet his new sensei: ME (Alex Derus)! Can this new sensei improve Naruto and Hinata's abilities in time for the upcoming exams?**

**Next Time- Enter Alex Derus: Naruto's New Sensei**


	5. Enter Alex Derus: Naruto's New Sensei

The next day dawned as Naruto's alarm hourglass was going off. Naruto woke up and hit the alarm off, making the obnoxiously absurd timepiece lapse into silence. He ate breakfast and got ready to meet his new sensei. This sensei was said to not originally be from the leaf village at all. "Hopefully, this new guy won't be a pain in the ass" he thought. After a bit, he headed out to the village gates to the specified meeting place. Along the way, he saw Hinata. "Hi, Hinata" he said.

Hinata looked up, blushed, said "hi, Naruto. Are you ready to meet the new sensei?"

As Hinata began doing her signature index finger tapping, Naruto replied, "You bet I am." He put his arm around Hinata and pulled her closer.

Hinata, blushing redder than a fire engine, thought "oh gosh, Naruto has me really close to him." She then teetered back and momentarily fainted in his arms.

Naruto, puzzled at this, muttered "passed out already?"

She then came around and muttered "oh, Naruto, I don't know what to say."

Naruto asked "shouldn't we be going to this meeting place?"

Hinata replied, "I guess so" and got up.

* * *

Upon arrival, they only saw Kurenai there. Naruto barked "what the hell? Where's this new sensei. I bet he's just like Kakashi; late as always."

He felt Hinata tapping his wristwatch as she muttered "uh, Naruto."

Naruto looked at the watch and muttered "oh, he's not late; we're 10 minutes early." Looking at Kurenai, he asked "then why are you here?"

Kurenai answered "I'm here to meet him upon his arrival. I'm making sure someone is here to meet him." After 10 minutes, a good-looking young man with brown hair and eyes arrived with a large knapsack and two rolling suitcases. Kurenai said "ah, at last. I'm Kurenai. Welcome to the village hidden in the leaves."

The man replied "well, at least I didn't take that left turn at Albuquerque."

Naruto saw this guy's headband placard did not have a familiar symbol on it. Naruto muttered "okay, who's _this_ joker?"

Kurenai barked "Naruto, show a little more respect to your new sensei!"

Naruto said "wait, he's my new sensei?"

Hinata replied "I think so, since he's not from our village. He _has_ to be our new sensei."

Kurenai replied "you'll have to forgive Naruto. He can be a little hard-headed and doesn't take a new sensei too well."

Naruto barked "_that_ is not true! I accepted plenty of 'em; it's just certain ones that happen to be weaker than Kakashi. Since this guy is new, I can't judge _him_ just yet."

The new sensei said "I guess you'd be Naruto Uzumaki; a.k.a. the knuckle-headed ninja…as far as I've heard."

Naruto asked "who told you that 'knuckle-headed' part?"

The sensei replied "I think his name was Kakashi. He said it was some kind of nickname."

Naruto muttered "Great, now Kakashi is spreading rumors about me."

The sensei stated "the nickname was also mentioned in your dossier in the ninja archives." He turned to Hinata and asked "and who might you be, Miss?"

Hinata replied "I'm Hinata Hyuga."

The sensei looked around and muttered "weird: I thought the e-mail said to expect two senseis here, not just one."

Naruto muttered "Kakashi, why the hell are you always late?"

* * *

At that moment, Kakashi arrived with "sorry I'm late, Naruto. I got lost on the path of life."

Naruto barked "bullshit! You were reading that book again, weren't you?"

The new sensei glanced at the title and dryly muttered "'Make-out Paradise', how interesting."

Naruto, hearing the dry attitude towards the book, muttered "I guess you're not into that kind of reading."

The sensei replied "why read about it when I've got plenty of the real thing from my girlfriend?" Both Naruto and Kakashi were bug-eyed upon hearing that.

Kurenai simply stated "uh, Naruto's sensei kind of has a knack of showing up late."

The sensei replied "I noticed."

Hinata asked "uh, sir, who exactly…are you?"

The sensei replied "I'm Alex Derus."

As Naruto and Hinata shook Alex's hand, Naruto asked "I've never seen your headband's symbol on my map of our area at all. Where exactly are you from? Land of waves? Land of fire? Land of Sound? Land of Sand?"

Alex replied "I'm actually from the Land of Missouri."

After Alex got a puzzled look from both Naruto and Hinata, Kakashi unfurled his map and muttered "where?" After Kakashi set his map down on the ground, Alex slid his equally scaled map underneath and lined the two of them up over one another. Naruto saw that Alex's map seemed to be extended far enough that a whole other land mass was now seen far beyond the reaches of the maps that Naruto was accustomed to.

Pointing in this land mass, Alex said "this is it: the land of Missouri."

Hinata muttered "holy crap, the land you come from is shaped like your headband emblem." Sure enough, Alex's headband placard symbol was indeed an outline of the State of Missouri.

* * *

Kurenai said "okay, Alex. Kakashi and I will leave them in your capable hands." As she had said that, she had taken one of Alex's hands in her own.

Kakashi thought "this is not looking good. Kurenai is already trying to make moves on him."

Hinata muttered "uh, Kurenai sensei, why are you holding Alex sensei's hand like that? Also, why are you all red in the face?"

Kakashi walked up behind Hinata and muttered "it's because Kurenai is in love with Alex. However, he already has a girlfriend."

Hinata muttered "oh my. Doesn't Kurenai know about this girlfriend of Alex's?"

Kakashi replied "I have to keep reminding her for some weird reason."

Hinata muttered "Kurenai…_Kurenai_…KURENAI!"

Kurenai snapped out of her romantic trance and muttered "yes, Hinata?"

Naruto barked "you want to let go of his hand already?"

Kurenai let go and said "oh, right. Maybe we can hang out sometime."

As she started giving Alex the Miroku rub, Kakashi yelled "KURENAI!" He instantly slapped her in the cheek.

Kurenai backed off and muttered "thanks, Kakashi, I needed that."

Naruto said "you guys want to let us train already?" With that, the two Ninjas had set off with Alex to the training grounds.

* * *

Later, Alex had said "okay, you two, let's see what you've got. Naruto, you first."

Naruto replied "all right, here I go" and thought "try _this_ out for size, perv." He barked "Sexy Harem Jutsu" and instantly transformed into the resulting beautiful pony-tailed naked blond girl.

Alex simply tilted his head and dryly muttered, "okay?" Naruto and Hinata were stunned to their cores.

Naruto un-transformed and said "how can this be? That worked on every other guy I've used this on."

Alex replied "I have a decent girlfriend; I'm immune to such an attack."

Naruto muttered, "Jeez, she must be one hot babe to have made you immune to my Harem jutsu."

Alex said "still, I can actually have you make a few upgrades to it."

Naruto loved the idea. "Upgrades to my sexy jutsu? This'll be _real_ nice."

After demonstrating the Naruto Uzumaki barrage as well as the Rasengan, Alex said "excellent. Ever thought of improving that Rasengan by forming it in both hands at once?"

Naruto tried that and was amazed at the outcome. "Wow, I can deliver two Rasengans; two different directions!"

Alex, imitating an infomercial spokesman, said "that's TWO; TWO RASENGANS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!" He then said "okay, Miss Hyuga, your turn." Hinata prepared and unleashed her signature move. The sensei said "well done. I can at least help you increase its potency." Hinata beamed at the idea.

* * *

After a bit, Hinata had increased her attack's potential fivefold. Even so, she still asked "Alex sensei, do you think I changed? Maybe a little bit?"

Alex got up and brushed himself off, saying "no." Hinata felt her heart sink momentarily. Alex then relieved her with "I think you changed _a lot_ of bit."

Hinata beamed at this statement of Alex's. "Look out, Neji" she remarked.

Alex then said "okay, Naruto, on to upgrading your sexy jutsu."

Naruto replied "okay. What's your first upgrade?"

Alex stated "well, imagine you're facing off against Neji. I've figured that the classic sexy jutsu could possibly get him, however if there's someone he has a crush on."

Hinata remarked "well, I've heard that he's in love with Tenten."

Alex beamed "ah, Miss Tenten. I've read her dossier in the ninja archives as well."

Naruto asked "were there any ninja's profiles you _didn't_ look up?"

Alex replied "well, I _did_ skip over the hokages' profiles. However, that's not my point. Since we know Neji is in love with Tenten, here's what I want you to try." He got close to Naruto's ear and whispered "I'd like you to try combining a transformation jutsu with your sexy jutsu, and make it appear as though Tenten were standing there naked."

Naruto's look of shock slowly turned to a sly smile. "Okay, here goes" he replied. With that, he made some hand signs and said "transform." Instantly, he transformed into a flawless form of a naked Tenten.

"Excellent work, Naruto" Alex cheered.

Naruto, after looking at the results in a mirror that Hinata had on her, untransformed and muttered "whoa, that was amazing!"

Alex stated "now for the second of these two upgrades. Imagine that you're up against your teammate, Miss Haruno."

Naruto replied "I don't think this technique will work on a girl, though."

Alex stated "maybe not the default Sexy Harem jutsu, but maybe a different form might. Let's call this form the **Sexy **_**Male**_** jutsu**."

Naruto muttered "Sexy…Male jutsu?"

Alex replied "exactly. You did it in Tenten's form; now let's see if you can make Mr. Uchiha appear the same way."

Naruto remarked "oh, now I get it: 'sexy male' instead of 'sexy harem'. Okay, I'll try for a naked Sasuke." he transformed and was stunned by the image of perfection he saw in Hinata's mirror (the jutsu even had him take on Sasuke's voice, much like the standard transformation jutsu).

"Well done, Naruto" Alex replied, "well, that's all for our training today."

Hinata asked "hang on. Uh…what exactly does your girlfriend look like?"

Alex replied "well, you get _The Hidden Leaf Times_, don't you?"

Hinata replied "yeah, every day."

Alex stated "my girlfriend has the paper's advice column."

Hinata looked and muttered "hang on; _Dear Jessie_ is your girlfriend?" She then gasped and muttered "oh my god, the whole village was wondering about who her 'mystery boyfriend' was. Alex sensei is Jessie's mystery boyfriend!"

* * *

Later in the village, Sakura and Sasuke were at Ichiraku's ramen shop. "Sasuke" Sakura said, "now that we finished training for the day, you want to go out with me?"

Sasuke replied "no…fucking…way." Sakura moaned in disappointment.

Naruto slid in and said "_I'll_ go out wi-."

Sakura beamed Naruto over the head and belted "I'd rather eat a slug first before I date _you_!"

Sasuke said "go figure on Naruto's part; asking Sakura out. When will he _ever_ learn?"

Naruto muttered "touchy, aren't we?"

Sakura glanced over at the lady sitting next to her at the restaurant. "Uh, excuse me, Miss, but you look kind of familiar."

The lady asked "who do I remind you of?"

Sakura replied "that advice lady from the newspaper; _Dear Jessie_."

The lady turned and said "how convenient. You guessed right."

Sakura muttered "holy crap, you're Jessie from _Dear Jessie_?"

Jessie replied "yeah, and I could, pretty much, hear you with that muttering."

Sakura, indicating Naruto, said "okay, I need to ask you something. Would there be a way for me to tell this _pinhead_ that I'm never ever going to be interested in him?"

Naruto spat "hey, who are you calling a pinhead?"

Jessie, ignoring Naruto's remark, said "well, you never know, Sakura. You probably _could_ fall in love with the person you don't see eye-to-eye with. I had a few guys I had a thing for, but they turned me down, so I went to someone I knew for a short time, and here I am now with him ever since; my mystery boyfriend." She turned to Naruto and said "sorry for ignoring your remark, Naruto."

Naruto replied "oh, no problem."

Sasuke muttered "what a loser." He then felt a few taps on his shoulder behind him. He turned around only to come face-to-face with Hinata's wayward fist. He spun around and went down for the count.

Jessie was stunned as she asked "did that girl just slug that kid?"

Naruto said "looks like it."

Sakura darted over with "Sasuke, are you all right?"

Jessie said "he'll feel _that_ in the morning. Who might you be?"

Hinata muttered "I'm Hinata Hyuga. The hot-tempered one in the red is Sakura Haruno."

Sakura yelled "I am _not_ hot-tempered!"

Jessie thought "yeah, right." She then said "I'm Jessie." Hinata said "oh, from the newspaper."

* * *

Sakura was pleading "Sasuke, can you hear me? Say something!"

Jessie asked "couldn't you throw water on him to wake him up?"

Sakura replied "in a moment." She then turned to Hinata and asked "what did you do to Sasuke?"

Hinata replied "he shouldn't have called Naruto a loser."

Sakura said "oh, right, I know how his calling Naruto the 'l' word in front of you pisses you off."

Jessie said "I don't blame her."

At that moment, Sasuke began to re-open his eyes. Sakura looked and said "Sasuke, are you awake?"

Sasuke got up and moaned "oh man, did someone get that dump truck's number?"

Naruto said "you weren't hit by a dump truck, Sasuke. That was Hinata's fist that hit you."

Sasuke then remembered his name-calling and the tapping on his shoulder afterwards and muttered "oh crap, the 'l' word."

Jessie looked at her watch and said "oh, I've got to get back to the paper." She paid her tab and went off like a shot.

Sasuke got up and said "Naruto, get out of my way. I don't have time to fight someone like you. Jessie looks more of a good fight, unlike you, who could never fight his way out of a paper bag."

Sakura saw Hinata tensing back up and was muttering "Sasuke, don't."

Sasuke barked "what? I'm speaking the truth of how Naruto is just pitiful." He wheeled around and caught a glimpse of Hinata's glare. He said "at least I'm being honest. You can't hit an honest person."

Hinata replied "I can if they believe in myths like that."

She reeled back her fist as Sasuke thought "oh crap. I'd better catch this fist of hers." However, he anticipated a blow to the chin. Hinata instead delivered a blow to the balls. He keeled over, moaning in intense pain.

Sakura said "I tried to tell you to stop."

* * *

Sasuke turned to Naruto and spat "okay, Naruto. You've been having Princess Charming saving your sorry ass for _far too long_! You need to fight your own damn battles." Sasuke activated his sharingan and reeled his fist back ready to strike Naruto with full-force chidori, when he was sent flying forward some distance. He muttered "where the hell did that come from?" He looked up and saw someone he'd never seen before in his life: Alex Derus.

"Were you about to hit my student?" the sensei asked.

Sasuke was intimidated by the guy's stature. He muttered "who are you?"

Sakura said "even _I'd_ like to know. Naruto certainly _could_ learn a thing or two from you."

Alex replied "he _has_ learned a thing or two from me. I'm his new sensei: Alex Derus."

Sasuke said "so you're that new sensei Kakashi told me and Sakura about."

Alex saw Sakura holding her copy of the newspaper and said "that's right."

Sakura muttered "you're…awesome."

Alex then whispered in Sakura's ear "I'm also _Dear Jessie_'s mystery boyfriend."

Sakura said "you're her boyfriend? You're _Dear Jessie_'s mystery boyfriend?"

Sasuke, hearing this, said "whoa, that lady from the newspaper is your girlfriend?"

Alex picked Sasuke up and got him to his feet. He then replied "that's right, Sasuke."

Sasuke asked "whoa, how do you know my name?"

Alex said "I've read your records in the archives."

Sasuke said "well, anyway, I would like to fight you and your girlfriend. That way, I can see which one of you is really tough in the battlefield. Besides, you'd both be better than Naruto."

Naruto spat "oh yeah. In that case, _I'll_ fight you first!"

Sasuke muttered "you're not even worth it, Naruto."

Naruto said "oh really" and made a hand sign. "Sexy Male jutsu: Sasuke version" he yelled. He instantly transformed into a nude duplicate of Sasuke.

Sakura was sent into intense horniness as Sasuke was just stunned. "How are you able to become me?" he asked.

Naruto, now with Sasuke's voice, replied "a little help from Derus Sensei."

Sakura, unfortunately, could take no more. She instantly bolted to Naruto and muttered "oh, wow, you're so amazing!"

Sasuke muttered "you'd better un-transform before Sakura gets any ideas."

With that, Naruto instead produced two more naked Sasukes and had them whirling their hands around each of his own hands.

Sakura, horny as ever, stepped back and muttered "oh, what a man" and fainted.

Sasuke then recognized the orbs forming in Naruto's hands. "Hang on" he muttered, "_two_ rasengans? How can that be?"

Sure enough, both orbs were sent at Sasuke as Naruto yelled "double Rasengan!"

Sasuke muttered "oh, shit." He never got a chance to dodge and was hit full force.

Naruto untransformed as a battered Sasuke was getting up. "Not so weak anymore, _am_ I?" Naruto barked.

Sakura woke up and muttered "w-what happened. I thought I saw three naked Sasukes over there."

Sasuke muttered "no, Sakura, that was Naruto combining shadow clones with a sexy jutsu version of me. He also sent out two perfect rasengans."

Sakura muttered "_two_?"

Sasuke said "yeah; one from each hand. I shouldn't have misjudged Naruto like that." He turned to Naruto and said "You're not entirely weak, but I could be just as bad as you are. However, I'll wait for another day to do that."

Naruto said "good idea. Besides, I'll make it up to you two with dinner tonight at my place. Don't tell me you forgot."

Sasuke replied "oh yeah, I heard you mentioning that to us some time ago. We'll be there."

* * *

**Naruto has invited Sasuke, Sakura, and Hinata to his place for dinner. He somehow proves himself as quite a remarkable cook after making Sasuke's favorite dish so perfectly, it was as though his late mother was in the kitchen with Naruto. Moreover, ever since two weeks before Naruto had gotten pulled into InuYasha's world, Sakura had been mindlessly babbling about this something that she calls Shippuden: various events that Sasuke and Naruto deny having even happened. What's the gist about these events that Sakura keeps raving about?**

**Next Time- Dinner at Naruto's: the Shippuden Truth**

**By the way, Sasuke, what prompted you to return to the village instead of joining with Orochimaru?**


	6. Dinner at Naruto's: the Shippuden Truth

That evening, Naruto, sporting a chef hat and an apron captioned "master chef Naruto is in," had everything set for dinner that night. "Okay, now all I need is for the guests to arrive" he muttered. Soon after, Sakura, Sasuke and Hinata were arriving. "Hi, guys" he said.

Sasuke walked in and replied "have I ever told you that this is a really nice house you got?"

Naruto replied "yeah; many times since I moved in some two weeks before I got sucked into InuYasha's world."

Sakura said "still, what more could you ask for; you've got two entire floors, a massive backyard, and way more room here than in that small unit you used to be in."

Naruto said "don't tell me you're getting jealous."

Sakura replied "um, a little" and chuckled slightly. As Naruto was getting everything set up, she muttered "I still can't believe your behavior, Sasuke."

Sasuke asked "what do you mean?"

Sakura snapped "you joined forces with Orochimaru; so obsessed with becoming stronger with more hatred to your brother!"

Naruto, having overheard this, came in and muttered "oh brother, not that Shippuden shit again, Sakura."

Sakura said "you've got to believe me, Naruto!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and muttered "Sakura, how many times do I have to tell you? That was only a dream you had on the night I left. These events that you call 'Shippuden' _never_ _happened_."

Hinata asked "what's all this about?"

Naruto replied "Sakura claimed that she went from 12 years old straight to 15 years old and back again without being either 13 or 14 years old. This dream of hers depicted all of us in events that never happened. She kept claiming for the past two weeks that these events, like Sasuke joining up with Orochimaru, were real. She calls these events 'Shippuden'."

Sakura said "we even had different clothes as well. Naruto's had black trim instead of the deep blue color."

Naruto barked back "black isn't even my color. Unless it's a tuxedo, it's not my color."

Sakura muttered "I even had those gloves and boot-style shoes."

Naruto said "those gloves are $950 a pair; there's no way you could afford them."

Sasuke said "exactly. You can also forget those boot-style shoes; a pair of those actually matches the price of a Cadillac."

Sakura thought for a moment and muttered "so…it _was_ only a dream."

Sasuke replied "that's right. When I left, I only made it about 4½ miles [7.24 kilometers] past the final valley before I stopped and asked 'what am I doing?' I then camped out and came back the next day only to find you raving about this Shippuden nonsense."

Naruto said "well, guys, dinner is ready."

With that, everyone was at the table. Sasuke muttered "well, if he cooks as lousy as he fights, I'm going to be spewing for both distance _and_ accuracy."

Sakura barked "hey, lighten up. We haven't tried any of his cooking yet, so we can't judge him."

Naruto came out of the kitchen holding a massive tray. "Dinner is served, guys" he said. He placed some of the food out in the middle of the table. He then placed a dining room dome-covered plate in front of Sasuke. "Your special-order appetizer, _mon ami_" he said.

Sasuke said "I don't remember any special-order appetizer."

Naruto lifted the dome and said "well, enjoy it anyway."

Sasuke looked and saw what appeared to be his favorite dish: okaka-flavored rice balls on a bed of tomatoes. "M-my favorite dish" he muttered in disbelief. He then took up the stainless steel chopsticks and muttered "well, we'll see how good he is." He ate one rice ball and was instantly taken into his own memory.

* * *

Some six years ago, Sasuke's younger self was riding his skateboard when he took a spill and skinned his knee. "Mommy" he wailed.

His mother took him up and said "here, I'll get that taken care of." Soon after, his mom had gotten some lunch going and had patched up her son's wound. The lunch she was serving was a dish of the exact same rice balls on the tomato bed.

The younger Sasuke ate a rice ball and said "thanks, mommy."

The current Sakura's voice was then heard echoing "Sasuke, are you okay?"

* * *

Sasuke instantly snapped out of his momentary trance and said "how did he do it?"

As Sasuke downed another rice ball, Sakura asked "do…what?"

Sasuke replied "he recreated my favorite dish _exactly_ the way my mother did before her unfortunate demise."

Hinata muttered "you're…crying?"

Sasuke wiped out his watery eyes and said "I need to talk to Naruto."

Sakura said "well, he's in the kitchen making our drinks."

Sasuke said "then, I'll be back in a moment." With that, he got up and went to the kitchen. Once in there, he saw Naruto shaking something up in a martini shaker. "Naruto" he said.

Naruto stopped shaking and said "oh, Sasuke." He then poured the drink into a glass and said "how's this flavored iced tea?"

Sasuke said "before that, Naruto, I need to ask you something."

Naruto replied "okay."

Sasuke asked "how did you recreate my favorite dish like that?"

Naruto muttered "so that recipe's notation was _true_."

Sasuke said "what recipe?"

Naruto pointed out an open cookbook on a nearby book stand. Sasuke looked at the recipe along with a notation at the top reading "Sasuke's favorite dish." Naruto then closed the cookbook and said "whoever's cookbook this is must know an awful lot about you."

Sasuke looked at the cover and had his eyes get watery again. "My…mother's cookbook" he said. Naruto instantly got a look of shock as Sasuke continued with "I never thought I'd see this book again after Itachi took it the night everyone was killed. I thought he'd have destroyed it."

Naruto muttered "your mother's cookbook. No wonder you're asking me about those rice balls."

Sasuke asked "How did you get hold of the book?"

Naruto said "it was about a year or two into the academy when Itachi was after me. I emptied out his pockets of all this stuff he had after cold-cocking him. This book was among them. There was a post-it note on its cover that read 'to be destroyed', but I disregarded it and held onto all that stuff."

Sasuke muttered "you mean you had the book this whole time?"

Naruto said "yeah. I only found one other recipe with this notation." With that, Naruto xeroxed both recipes and put the photocopies on his shelves. He then handed the book to Sasuke amidst his friend's look of shock.

"You're…giving the book back to me" Sasuke asked.

Naruto replied "it's the least I could do for you. That's what friends are for."

Sasuke instantly pulled Naruto into a tight hug and muttered "thank you, Naruto. You're the best friend I could ever ask for."

As Sasuke ended the hug, Naruto muttered "you're…crying."

Sasuke wiped his eyes and said "it's just seeing this book again; it brings back some good memories. Yet still, I have the terrible nightmare in my mind every time I close my eyes." With that, he returned to the table with book in hand and tears in eyes.

Sakura asked "Sasuke, what do you have there?"

Sasuke held up the book and said "this is my mother's cookbook. I thought Itachi had destroyed it. I had recently given up hope of ever finding it. Yet, here I learn that Naruto had the book this whole time after he purloined it from Itachi's pockets one time about a year or two into the academy."

Sakura looked at the text on the cover below the Uchiha clan's lollipop-shaped symbol. "Mikoto Uchiha" she read. She then said "who's Mikoto?"

Sasuke replied "she was my mother." He then sighed and muttered "I never thought I'd have this book back in my possession."

Naruto came out with the glasses of drinks. "Here we are, guys: flavored iced tea for everyone" he announced.

Sakura asked "Naruto, are you really giving Sasuke that cookbook?"

Naruto replied "of course; it once belonged to his mother. I figured that, as a friend, it'd be the least I could do."

* * *

Later after dinner, Hinata asked "so, Sasuke, what prompted you to change your mind that night you left?"

Sasuke replied "it was all about a nightmare I had that night that I camped out."

* * *

Instantly, a flashback to that night began, depicting him stopping somewhere in the wilderness with his sleeping bag and backpack. While that went on, a voiceover of the current Sasuke narrated "I had only made it 4½ miles [7.24 kilometers] before I began to feel tired. So, I put away my compass and unfurled my sleeping bag. With my spring-wound alarm clock, I went to sleep at that spot. I then began to have the dream that made me realize my mistake." As the flashback Sasuke went to sleep, and the said dream began, he was shown arriving at the gates of Orochimaru's hideout. The current Sasuke's voiceover chimed in with "I went into his mansion, unaware that I was about to be seriously double-crossed by the one I came to for help."

In the main room of the mansion, Orochimaru asked "so, you want me to help you fulfill your desires of becoming stronger to defeat your own brother so you can revive the Uchiha clan?"

The flashback dream's Sasuke replied "yes, sir. I don't know who else to turn to."

Orochimaru said "well, you've come to the right place. I'll help you. However, you must sign this contract I am about to give you."

Sasuke read over the contract and muttered its text as "I, Sasuke Uchiha, do hereby decree that I shall obey Orochimaru's every command without question. In return, I, Orochimaru, hereby promise to make real Sasuke's dreams of strength and brotherly revenge."

He never seemed to notice some fine print below the signature line. A line of that fine print read "in signing this contract, you also agree to rebuild your clan immediately upon defeating Itachi Uchiha."

Having missed the fine print entirely, Sasuke clicked out his pen and signed the contract, saying "Orochimaru, it's a deal!"

Orochimaru rolled up the signed contract and said "splendid. Now, let's get to work." After taking Sasuke to another area of the mansion, he said "now, first things first. You need to get stronger. The only way to defeat your brother is by upgrading your Sharingan."

Sasuke asked "okay, what's this upgrade?"

Orochimaru replied "it's called the Mangenkyo Sharingan. Only with this more powerful form of the Sharingan, will you be able to defeat your brother."

Sasuke asked "how do I get it?"

Orochimaru stated "there's only one way it can be attained." With that, he snapped his fingers and Naruto appeared—tied up and bound with ropes made from chakra. His mouth was covered over with sheet chakra, heavily muffling his yelling.

Sasuke was heavily shocked upon seeing this. "Naruto" he asked.

Orochimaru replied "precisely, Sasuke. The only way to gain this power is to kill your good friend—in this case, Naruto."

Sasuke asked "so I have to kill Naruto to gain this power?"

Orochimaru replied "precisely." Naruto continued to squirm in his binding ropes of chakra. Sasuke thought "so _this_ is what Itachi meant by 'enough hatred towards' him—a point where not even friends mattered. What am I going to do? I just can't kill Naruto."

As Naruto's muffled shouting continued, Kabuto barked out "QUIET, YOU" and slugged Naruto.

As Naruto whimpered, Sasuke barked "what was _that_ for?"

Kabuto stated "he should know that this is how fate is. Besides, you _do _need to kill him, don't you?"

Sasuke spat "yeah, that's what he said."

Kabuto asked "then what the fuck are you waiting for?"

As Sasuke hesitated, Kabuto and Orochimaru simultaneously spat "KILL HIM!"

Sasuke finally uttered "no. I refuse to kill Naruto. I may want revenge, but at the cost of friendship?"

Orochimaru spat "we are under _contract_!" He instantly made Sasuke's curse mark knot up in pain.

Sasuke cringed and managed to state "if you don't like it, why don't you take me out permanently?" He instantly saw Naruto rapidly shaking his head. Sasuke said "I can't kill you, Naruto. I would rather die by the hands of Orochimaru than to kill a friend. I know you don't like the sound of it, but-."

Orochimaru instantly whipped out the contract and stated "ah, ah, ahh—first line of fine print: 'upon refusal, I will agree to not be taken down by Orochimaru—I will simply allow him to-.'"

Sasuke looked and muttered "'to control me'? What?"

Orochimaru said "exactly—this mark wasn't meant to just be a painful nuisance."

Instantly, Sasuke felt a harder twitch of pain from the curse mark. Instantly, he felt numb all over only to see his muscles seeming to move of their own accord. "I can't…control…my body" he muttered in shock. Sure enough, a kunai was drawn out and aim was taken. "No" he muttered. Only after the kunai was sent on its way did Sasuke regain his muscular control. Unfortunately, it was too late for Sasuke to prevent what was about to happen. The kunai hit Naruto square in the chest. Naruto twitched for a moment only to go limp and eerily still. Sasuke muttered "Naruto." He was truly in shock.

A voiceover of the current Sasuke stated "that started to tear me apart. That state of mind seeing Naruto lying still put chills down my spine. Yet that didn't prepare me for what I was about to feel next."

The flashback dream Sasuke instantly felt his Sharingan self-activate and felt intense waves of pleasure rolling through him. Only after 7 seconds of them did he snap himself out of that and ask "why am I feeling this way? What's wrong with me? Why do I feel pleasure after taking down Naruto? This doesn't feel right."

Orochimaru stated "you're feeling the gain of your Mangenkyo Sharingan. You're gaining power!"

Sasuke thought "but at what cost? I'm losing everything that I held dearly."

Orochimaru then stated "now, onto your second request: brotherly revenge."

Kabuto snapped his fingers and Itachi appeared—also bound up and gagged by chakra. Sasuke muttered "how the hell are they able to have them gagged and bound by chakra?"

Kabuto stated "chakra thread to bind them up, and sheet chakra to cover their mouths over tightly. I hear that, if it's over the ears, sheet chakra renders the victim completely deaf."

Sasuke spat "can't I just fight him without you gagging and binding him up?"

Orochimaru looked at the contract and said "d'oh, right—I forgot you said you wanted to defeat him." He instantly released Itachi from the chakra impediments.

Itachi said "now _this_ is more like it. I also see you've finally built up sufficient hatred towards me. How splendid, little brother!"

Sasuke said "shut the fuck up, Itachi. I don't feel right after what I just did to Naruto. At least I'll have a chance to defeat you!"

Itachi let out a mock whimper and said "go right ahead—I'm not stopping you."

Sasuke activated his Sharingan and muttered "okay, I'll test this out. MANGENKYO SHARINGAN!" The move worked and Sasuke saw his brother get blasted into trillions of little particles that vanished, screaming for as long as he remained intact. After the move, he muttered "well, I finally got revenge for the Uchiha clan. My mission is done."

Orochimaru said "not so fast, Sasuke. There's still one more item on the list."

Sasuke muttered "what? What are you talking about?"

Orochimaru snapped his fingers and Sasuke saw Sakura, Ino, Hinata, and Tenten all appear bound up and gagged. Sasuke muttered "what the hell? Why do you have them imprisoned like this?"

Kabuto replied "to fulfill your final promise—reviving your clan."

Sasuke spat "I don't need your help on this." Orochimaru unfurled the contract and pointed out the line of fine print that dictated the immediate revival of the clan. Sasuke read it and looked back at the girls. Sure enough, they not only had sheet chakra over their mouths—there was also some over their ears. A finger snap later, and he saw their clothes simply dissolve into the air. Sasuke then felt his own clothes dissolve as well. "No, wait" he yelled.

Orochimaru said "yeah, Sasuke?"

Sasuke asked "why are you wanting me to revive it now? It's not like you have something important after I do so."

Orochimaru stated "you should always read fine print…_before_ signing these things."

Sasuke was horrified to learn of this basic mistake. "I…never read the fine print" he thought, "damn it." Sure enough, despite his refusal (and those of the girls), Orochimaru seized control of him and forced him to do something he never wanted to do until after marriage—_to all…four…girls_! Despite his efforts to counteract these actions, the deeds had been done, and Sasuke regained his muscle control only after it was too late. At that point, the sections of sheet chakra over the girls' mouths and ears were fizzled away, but the chakra thread binding them up remained as their clothes rematerialized on them.

Sakura spat "Sasuke, you son of a bitch! I thought we were your friends!"

Sasuke turned and saw tears in Sakura's eyes. "Sakura" he said, "I tried telling Orochimaru I didn't want to do it, but he forced me."

Ino and Hinata simultaneously yelled "bullshit!"

Tenten yelled "that's a load of garbage!"

Sasuke, among the girls yelling at him in disagreement, said "ladies, please. Do you think I enjoyed doing this? I _didn't_!"

He then heard Orochimaru chuckling evilly. "Good. How marvelous." He then whipped up ultrasound views on all four of them. Sure enough, to Sasuke's horror, all four girls appeared to have gotten officially knocked up. "Check it out, Sasuke" Orochimaru gloated, "soon, your clan will return."

Sasuke muttered "oh god, no. I didn't want it to be like this. This isn't what I wanted."

Orochimaru then stated "then you should've heeded your friends' warnings on your way out of the village."

Sasuke spat "so you were setting me up this whole time! You were just out to double-cross me!"

He heard a familiar echo-y voice state "no shit, Sherlock."

Sasuke turned and saw Naruto's ghost floating there. "Naruto" he muttered.

"Like revenge so much, numb-nuts" Naruto's spirit forcefully asked.

Sasuke muttered "no, I don't."

Naruto's spirit raised his hands and said "didn't think so."

At that moment, he sent lightning bolts into Sasuke. After a burst, the lightning ceased and Naruto said "I'll make sure you pay the price for the revenge."

After another burst of lightning, Sasuke muttered "Naruto, please, I know I screwed up. I learned my lesson, so please give me a second chance. I want to make things right." He turned to the girls and said "I want you four to abort."

Sakura coldly stated "no, I don't think we will."

Sasuke said "but why?"

Naruto said "for the same reason you gave us…back in the village."

Sasuke was then hit with continuous lightning. "Naruto…please" he moaned, "You're going to let Orochimaru get away with this."

Naruto's ghost coldly stated "no, I'm not. You already did that…when you signed that contract _despite our warnings not to_!"

Sasuke moaned "I want to make things right! Please! I want to make things right!" As he felt his strength diminishing, he heard a noise he thought was highly annoying—now sounding like a savior: the ringing of his wind-up alarm clock.

* * *

The flashback Sasuke woke from his nightmare and shut off the clock, muttering "it was just…a bad dream" he muttered.

A voiceover of the current Sasuke stated "it was then that I made my decision to come back—I had to prevent those horrible events from happening."

* * *

The flashback ended as Sasuke continued with "I got back only to find Sakura incoherently babbling about this nonsense that she called 'Shippuden'."

Sakura muttered "holy crap. I'm really glad you decided to come back now."

Sasuke muttered "yeah, but how am I going to defeat my brother. I can't get stronger at this point."

Naruto said "give us some time, we'll find a way." Sasuke said "I hope so, Naruto."

* * *

**What's this that Sakura is seeing? With a wanted poster from Itachi putting a hefty price on Naruto's head, Sasuke had promised her he wouldn't turn in his friend. But why is Sakura seeing Sasuke committing an act of betrayal? In the meantime, Hinata seems to have gotten a little something that seemed to rewire her personality. Could it be an undiscovered jinchuriki inside her?**

**Next Time- Sasuke's Betrayal & Hinata's Affliction**

**Hey, Sasuke, I've still got some other goodies for you in my basement!**


	7. Sasuke's Betrayal & Hinata's Affliction

Later after dinner, Naruto said "Sasuke, I've got some stuff for you in my basement."

As they all went down, Sasuke asked "what else do you have down there?"

Naruto replied "I didn't nab just that cookbook from Ita-." CLANK! Indeed, Naruto had been cut off in mid-sentence by accidentally hitting his head on an overhead pipe. "OW" he moaned, "every _time_ I come down here."

"You're going to get a nasty-looking bruise by tomorrow" Sasuke said.

Sakura muttered "couldn't you relocate that pipe?"

Hinata replied "I guess not."

Naruto led them all to a large steamer trunk and opened it and pulled out some stuff one at a time. "Let's see" he said, "here's a checkbook."

Sasuke saw the checkbook and found that it had belonged to Itachi. "How'd you get my brother's checkbook" he asked.

Naruto replied "same way I got that cookbook."

Sasuke could hardly believe it. He then looked at the checkbook's register and saw how much it had contained before Naruto's tampering. "Holy crap" he remarked, "he had $958 in here? That son of a bitch; he told me he was flat broke!" He then noticed some transaction that had zeroed out and closed the account. "What the hell happened to that money?"

Naruto replied "I transformed into him and withdrew it all."

Sasuke said "oh my god. I can't believe you made yourself look like Itachi."

Naruto then pulled out the next item and said "I've also got his credit cards and ninja ID…in his wallet."

Sasuke asked "what else did you take from him?"

Sakura remarked "I'm guessing he completely cleaned out Itachi's pockets."

Sure enough, the next thing that Naruto pulled out was a whole bunch of bundled cash. "Check it out, Sasuke; $15,804" he stated triumphantly.

Sasuke's eyes bugged out as he muttered "15 grand? How'd you get all that?"

Naruto replied "Itachi had it." Sasuke muttered "I'm surprised my brother hasn't sworn to get back at you. You take anything else?"

Naruto said "yeah; I got this sword."

Sasuke looked and drew it out partially. After seeing the engraved name in the blade, he muttered "holy crap, it's my father's sword." He then drew the sword out all the way and noticed that there was blood on it. He muttered "my father's blood…is on the sword. That son of a bitch used this sword against its owner. Could he have used it against mom as well as the rest of the clan?"

Naruto pulled out a yellow kimono and said "I got these duds off of him."

Sasuke looked and said "my uncle's kimono…stained with his blood. Damn you, Itachi!"

Naruto pulled out something and said "here's some earrings."

Sasuke looked and said "my aunt's earrings she was going to wear them the night the whole clan was done in."

Naruto remarked "that's all that I nabbed off of him."

Sasuke muttered "thanks, Naruto, but now I'm really pissed at Itachi." After a bit, they got the blood stains cleaned off of everything and had the stuff brought back to Sasuke's place. "I'm going to have to repay you, Naruto, for giving me back these precious items" he remarked. With that, everyone headed home.

* * *

The next day, Sasuke was on his way to Ichiraku's for his morning meal. As he passed the park, he failed to notice a certain half-demon playing chess at a table with his girlfriend. "How about _this_?" InuYasha said as he moved a piece.

Kagome studied the results hard and, after a few minutes' time, moved a piece to capture the offending castle piece, saying "eat my bra, InuYasha."

InuYasha, without a moment's thought, quickly moved a bishop piece and said "checkmate."

Sasuke, meanwhile, made it to Ichiraku's and ordered his usual. As he dined, he seemed to notice a poster that went up overnight. The poster had a picture of Naruto and said "Wanted: Naruto Uzumaki" above the picture and "Bring to Itachi Uchiha of the Akatsukis to hand over to us. Reward: $20,000. We want him alive" below the picture.

Sasuke said "oh great, now he's putting a price on Naruto's head."

Sakura then showed up. "Hi, Sasuke" she said.

Sasuke looked at Sakura and said "Sakura, you won't believe what I just saw."

He indicated the poster and Sakura looked. "Oh, for heaven's sake" she muttered.

Naruto showed up right then. "Hi, guys" he said.

Sasuke said "Naruto, there's something you need to see." He pointed out the wanted poster of Itachi's and said "these went up last night, I believe."

Naruto looked and muttered "great. Now, I've got a price on my head! I guess you're going to have to turn me in, then."

Sasuke spat "no, Naruto. I may be almost broke, but I promise you, I would never betray you like that—even if it was $20 billion."

Sakura said "we'll do whatever it takes to protect you, so don't worry about it."

Sasuke continued with "exactly. Now, here's what we need you to do. Go back to your home and wait for us there. We'll go to our places to gear up for our indefinite stay at your place."

Naruto replied "okay guys. You can count on me." With that, everyone went their separate ways. Naruto, however paused at a poster, chuckled and muttered "I wonder…"

* * *

Sasuke, on his way back to his place, saw Kagome and InuYasha in the park. They were now in the midst of another game. "Okay, InuYasha" Kagome belted, "B-3."

InuYasha spat back "Miss. G-6."

Kagome stated "Miss. B-1."

InuYasha moaned "YOU SUNK IT!"

Sasuke said "hi, guys."

InuYasha said "well, if it isn't Sasuke. How have you been lately?"

Sasuke muttered "it's not been smooth sailing. I've got bills to pay on my now-empty family's complex that I still reside in, I'm nearly broke, and now, Naruto has gotten a price put on his head by my own brother."

InuYasha asked "who's this brother of yours? He the same shithead that Naruto told us had taken down your whole clan?"

Sasuke replied "yeah, it's the same shithead. His name is Itachi Uchiha."

InuYasha barked "I'll see about giving him a taste of his own medicine—delivered via my wind scar!"

Kagome stated "uh, InuYasha, don't forget that we _did_ leave the Tetsusaiga back in our world."

Sasuke said "maybe you guys could stay at my place."

Kagome replied "we actually have a place to stay: Motel 6 Hidden Leaf."

InuYasha, in a Texas drawl, chimed in with "we'll leave the light on for you."

Sasuke said "I didn't know there was a Motel 6 here." InuYasha told him about which street it was on and he was soon on his way. He decided to take a different route home. This resulted in him finally noticing something he'd just been idly walking by for quite some time: the very Motel 6 that Kagome and InuYasha were talking about. "Holy crap" he muttered, "it was right here all along. Motel 6 Hidden Leaf."

* * *

A while later, Sakura had managed to pack up her things and head on her way to Naruto's house. As she was passing through the park, she encountered something that made her momentarily go paler than Hinata. She hid behind some foliage and couldn't believe what she was seeing. Sasuke appeared to be with Naruto while Itachi was standing before them. Naruto seemed to have been bound up with rope. He moaned "Sasuke, what are you _doing_? After all that you promised me?"

Sasuke replied "I'm sorry, Naruto, but I had to do this."

Itachi said "Little brother, I'm surprised to see you as the one turning him in." He then snapped his finger, and a fellow Akatsuki member brought over an Akatsuki cloak for Sasuke. As the cloak was brought over, Itachi wrote out the check, muttering "let's see. Pay to the order…of…Sasuke…Uchiha. Amount…$20,000." After the check was signed and handed over, he spat "take him away."

Naruto yelled out "I thought we had a promise, Sasuke!"

Sakura could stay back no longer. She instead bolted out to Sasuke and barked "Sasuke, YOU PROMISED HIM!" Sasuke muttered "I'm sorry, Sakura, but I had to." They then heard a distant "POOF" sound. Sure enough, at that moment, the distant Naruto seemed to have disappeared, letting the empty binding rope drop to the ground.

Itachi, in the distance, muttered "what the…"

Sakura said "what the heck?" She then saw Sasuke un-transform, revealing himself to have actually been the genuine Naruto in disguise. She muttered "Naruto?"

Naruto stated "as I said before, Sakura, I had to." He turned to the distant Akatsuki members and, slapping his own rear end in the process, belted out "oh, dip wad, over here!"

Itachi yelled in anger and screamed "get him!"

However, Naruto and Sakura were able to outmaneuver them all. Naruto then donned the Akatsuki cloak and said "now, let's bring Sasuke his new fortune."

* * *

Sasuke had just finished packing his things up when he heard a knock at the door. He muttered "wonder who _that_ could be." He opened the door and saw Naruto standing there in an Akatsuki cloak and holding a check.

"Hi, Sasuke" he cheerfully said.

Sasuke said "Naruto, I thought I told you to stay at your place. I would've been there in a little bit. Why didn't you listen to me?"

Naruto stated "because I now have no price on my head anymore" and handed Sasuke the check.

Sasuke looked over the check and muttered "holy shit. $20,000?"

Naruto stated "courtesy of that dickhead brother of yours."

Sasuke looked and muttered "pay to the order of…SASUKE UCHIHA? How did you get this. Also, why are you wearing an Akatsuki cloak?"

Naruto belted out "also courtesy of that dim wit."

Sakura chimed in with "he transformed into you and turned in a shadow clone."

Sasuke muttered "I'm surprised that you didn't un-transform in front of my brother."

Naruto said "I actually did that behind his back."

Sasuke belted out "what happens if my brother would've turned around and saw you un-transform. He'd have seen you and-."

Naruto said "I made sure he saw me. I said 'oh, dip wad, over here!'."

Sasuke groaned "Naruto, you could've been captured for real instead of your shadow clone."

Naruto said "at least you can pay your bills while having a disguise of your own." He removed the cloak and handed it to Sasuke.

"Naruto" Sasuke asked, "what am I going to do with $20,000?"

Naruto said "_you_ decide; it's your cash."

"Naruto, I can't keep all that; especially since you're the one who worked to get that cash. I'll only take what I need. As for this cloak, you keep it instead." Sasuke handed off the cloak and said "I'll be back soon."

As Sasuke left, Naruto noticed a scroll laying open on the kitchen table. "What have we here" he muttered. Naruto looked it over and prepared to take a picture with his ungodly high-resolution cell phone camera.

Just as the picture was taken, Sakura noticed a notation on it that read "for Sasuke's eyes only." "Um, Naruto" she said, "it says here on this little note that it's for Sasuke's eyes only."

Naruto pocketed the phone and said "that's why I'm not going to examine it directly. I'll instead leave it undisturbed."

Later, Sasuke got back, handed Naruto a silver briefcase, and went in saying "I'll see you guys later." As Naruto and Sakura headed on their way, Naruto blipped up the picture of the scroll's contents. They appeared to be a blueprint-style diagram for an in-ground pool destined for the Uchiha Complex's courtyard. The pool diagram called for a concrete path from the house, past the pool deck, and down to the garden. Also included was a high-end gas barbecue pit, an outdoor stereo with fake-rock speakers, a saltwater system for the pool water, and a fair bit of patio furniture.

Sakura looked at this picture and muttered "Naruto, you took a picture of that top-secret scroll of Sasuke's."

Naruto replied "darn right. Also, I think I now know what to do with all this cash."

Sakura spat "don't tell me you're going to build a pool for Sasuke."

Naruto answered back "not just any pool, but this exact dream pool he has here."

Sasuke, meanwhile, was straightening up the mess he had in his kitchen when he noticed the open scroll. "What the heck" he muttered, only to realize it had spilled out of his junk cabinet above the table and rolled open of its own accord upon landing. "I hope nobody saw this" he muttered.

* * *

The next day, Sasuke was due for some solo training with Kakashi. After Sasuke left, Naruto arrived with an entire construction armada. He showed them the blueprints off his phone and said "okay, guys?" After they agreed, he said "let's get going." As the work was commencing, Naruto muttered "and now to speed things along." With that, he made a hand sign and spat "time style: living time-lapse jutsu!" The effect was intense.

As Sasuke was arriving back, he noticed not only the construction work going on; it seemed as though it was all moving at a pace only able to be seen in a time-lapse film. With the workers and machinery all zipping along at seemingly supersonic speeds, he muttered "what the heck?" He then saw Naruto also moving at a similar pace. After a few dizzying moments, he muttered "how am I supposed to keep track of everyone?" He then heard a noise and saw Naruto suddenly return to normal speeds. Everyone and everything behind him was still going at time-lapse pace. he muttered "Naruto?"

Naruto cheerfully said "hi, Sasuke."

Sasuke asked "what are you doing to the courtyard of this place?" Naruto held up his phone and he looked at the picture of the blueprints. He asked "you took a picture of my dream pool?"

Naruto stated "yeah, and I'm making it a reality."

Sasuke asked "but why?"

Naruto answered "because you deserve this. I didn't think you'd want to wait forever to have this pool. Besides, I didn't think you'd have been able to afford it by yourself."

Sasuke muttered "maybe not off the bat, but I never did anything nice like this for you." He glanced at the project and saw all the earth-movers leaving and some cement equipment rushing in. After a few minutes, the concrete forms were already being removed. He muttered "holy crap, it's…dry already?"

Naruto said "special time lapse jutsu."

Sasuke muttered "time lapse jutsu. No wonder everything is moving so rapidly. Does anyone else know about this?"

Naruto said "heck no" and then chuckled.

* * *

After a bit, the pool basin got a fiberglass lining, the sidewalk was completed, the stereo put in, and the barbecue grill and patio furniture assembled. At that point, Sasuke watched the water rise up to fill the pool in a matter of seconds. Naruto then dumped in some salt and canceled the jutsu. After that, he said "behold your new pool, Sasuke."

Sasuke glanced at his watch and said "whoa. It was only a half-hour ago you were still digging. Now, it's filled up and completed?"

Naruto said "you bet, Sasuke."

Sasuke stated "I think that without that jutsu, it would've taken you 3 days or more to get the pool going."

Naruto said "that's right." His watch beeped and he said "I'd better get going. Alex has me and Hinata training again today."

As Naruto left, Sasuke said "Naruto, I wanted to…share this…pool with you." He then muttered "damn it."

* * *

At the training grounds, Naruto arrived and said "hi, Hinata."

Hinata looked up, blushed, and said "Naruto." Naruto looked around and didn't see Alex at the area at all. "I guess Alex sensei is caught up in something" he said.

A familiar male voice behind him asked "am I really?"

Naruto and Hinata were both startled and had simultaneously jumped back. Naruto asked "Sensei, how'd you do that?"

Alex replied "I transformed into the tree you walked past on your way over."

Naruto looked and, sure enough, there now seemed to be a tree missing—not even a stump or root-filled hole.

Hinata remarked "wow. You're…good."

Alex stated "now, let's begin."

During the training exercises, Neji arrived to look. "So, you're Hinata's new sensei" he asked.

Alex turned around and replied "yes, I am. Who might you be?"

Neji replied "Hinata's cousin, Neji Hyuga."

Alex shook Neji's hand and replied "Alex Derus. Nice to meet you."

Neji asked "where are you from?"

Alex replied "the land of Missouri" and showed Neji on his extended map, now with a wax pencil line depicting the location of everyone else's maps' edges.

Neji looked and muttered "wow, your headband placard emblem is shaped like this land of Missouri you're speaking of." At that moment, Hinata unleashed her signature move on Naruto, sending him flying some 3 yards [2.74 meters]. He remarked "impressive, Hinata. You seem to be getting better." He then saw Naruto's fingernails increase in length dramatically. He knew what this meant and muttered "the nine-tailed fox." He then yelled "Hinata, look out!"

Hinata replied "I can handle him, Neji."

Neji barked back "Are you crazy, Hinata?"

Hinata replied "I guess I must be."

Naruto started darting right at her while Alex's back was still turned. Neji was about to get Alex's attention when Hinata reared back and slugged Naruto right in the chops. As Naruto went flying, Alex noticed this and muttered "holy shit."

Neji saw Naruto land and un-transform and then looked back at Hinata. "You were saying about being crazy" she taunted.

Neji muttered "Hinata, do you realize what his jinchuriki form could've done to you?"

Hinata replied "yeah."

Neji muttered "and you still gave him a sock? What the hell were you thinking?"

Hinata remarked "if I want to be stronger, I can't be running away all the time."

Neji stated "you can't just fight all the time either. That way, you'd be putting your own life at risk. There's a fine line between being cowardly and being sensible."

Alex said "excellent, Hinata."

Neji asked "were you aware of what Naruto was like?"

Alex transformed into his jinchuriki form and asked "was he like this at all?"

Neji's eyes bugged out as he muttered "holy crap. Uh yeah, it was, but is that a jinchuriki form?"

Alex, still in that demonic form, replied "precisely."

Neji asked "what kind of animal is this?"

Alex un-transformed and stated "I'm the host of the 11-tailed lion."

Neji belted out "holy crap. 11-tailed lion? Who else is a host?"

Alex replied "my girlfriend, _Dear Jessie_, for one."

Neji said "what? You're the…mystery boyfriend?"

Alex stated "your insight serves you well."

* * *

Neji looked at Hinata and saw her clutching her wrist as blood was starting to run down her arm. "Hinata" he belted as he went over to her. Naruto wiped up the blood trail and Neji saw a perfectly circular puncture wound on her right wrist. "You're bleeding, Hinata. How much pain are you in?"

Hinata replied "not too much."

Neji said "that's a very deep cut."

Hinata looked and belted out "it's only a flesh wound."

Neji barked "a flesh wound? That doesn't look like a flesh wound!"

Hinata muttered "I think I'll be okay."

Neji spat "I don't know. Something inside me doesn't feel right."

Hinata muttered "I told you not to eat that bean dip."

Neji barked "not the bean dip! I mean intuition. My instincts are telling me that something bad will happen. So, I think we'd better keep an eye on that." However, throughout the evening and night, nothing adverse seemed to occur. As he was bidding her good night, he said "we'll have to see how that is in the morning." With that, they went to bed.

* * *

The next day, Neji awoke and started to head into the village on an early morning errand. However, halfway into his journey, an Akatsuki member landed in front of him. "Well, well, well, Mr. Hyuga" the member said.

Neji said "what do _you_ want?"

The member replied "a certain fox; it's got nine tails on him."

Neji said "sorry, if you're trying to take Naruto, you're going to have to come through me." The member drew a kunai and spat "fine, then."

Neji thought "I guess I'll be seeing you soon, father."

The member said "prepare to-." His threat was suddenly cut off, however, as Neji suddenly heard him start gagging and gasping.

He looked and saw Hinata holding the guy up by his neck with her right hand. Since he was behind her, he had no idea what had truly transpired. "Hinata" he spat, "what are you doing?"

He then heard her speak in a heavily distorted voice with "you dare attack my cousin?"

Neji, having never heard her voice sound like that before, muttered "what the hell." Hinata then turned to look at Neji. What he saw horrified him: she appeared to gain some serious fangs and her eyes seemed to become entirely red and luminous (much like InuYasha's full-demon form). Only then did he also notice her fingernails had increased considerably in length. He muttered "Hinata."

Hinata, still with her voice distorted, asked "are you okay, Neji?"

Neji muttered "yeah, I'm fine." He then backed away a little. As the guy kept straining to breathe, He said "Hinata, let him breathe; you're going to kill him."

Hinata loosened her grip, allowing the Akatsuki member to breathe again. However the member raised his kunai and flung it. However, the kunai only grazed Neji's left cheek. As Neji tended to his wound, he heard Hinata remark "was _that_ your best shot? Now let me show you mine." With that, she made a quick movement with her hand.

Neji heard a sharp, spine-chilling crack and saw the guy go completely limp in her hand. He could hardly believe his eyes. "Holy crap," he thought, "Hinata just…killed him. She's not usually the killing type. What's going on? What happened to the sweet Hinata I knew?" Hinata flung the guy's corpse to the side, and Neji saw blood dripping out of his frozen-open mouth. The same blood was on Hinata's right hand. "What happened to her" he muttered. He then saw Hinata faint. "Hinata" he yelled as he dashed to her.

Upon getting to her, she started to re-open her eyes, which had now returned to their normal look. "Neji" she muttered, now back in her normal voice, "w-what happened?"

Neji was horrified. "You don't remember" he asked.

Hinata stated "I only remember you about to be killed. I blacked out after that." Her testimony sent chills down his spine. She got up and looked at the dead Akatsuki member and cheered "all right, Neji! Good going!"

Neji muttered "Hinata, that wasn't me that did that. You're the one who killed him."

Hinata was shocked as she muttered "m-me?"

Neji replied "yes. You killed the guy after having made this hideous transformation into some…alternate you. You grabbed him by the throat and broke his neck _with one hand_."

Hinata looked at her right hand and muttered "oh, jeez, I think I'm bleeding again."

Neji looked and said "that's _his_ blood, not yours."

Neji washed off her hand and wrist with some bottled water and Hinata noticed not only the puncture wound from the day before, but also a strange mark below it. "I think Hanabi has been doodling on me again" she muttered.

Neji looked and said "this doesn't look like any of her drawings. I think it's a curse mark." He got out a pocket-size edition of _The Uzumaki Encyclopedia of Curse Marks_ and paged through. After a bit, he stopped paging, and went paler than he normally was. "The nine-tailed fox" he muttered in horror, "so _that's_ the transformation. We need to get to Lady Tsunade." With that, they were on their way.

* * *

A while later, they were cornered again by another Akatsuki member. "Where's Naruto" he spat.

Neji snapped back "sorry, but I will not allow you to have Naruto. You'll have to fight me instead!"

The member drew out a kunai and muttered "fine, you little bastard. Get a taste of this kunai."

Neji was unaware of Hinata having started convulsing behind him. The kunai was thrown, but Neji dodged it. At that moment, Hinata fell down and continued convulsing. He looked and was horrified. "Oh no" he muttered, "not again." He said "Hinata, you have to control it. I can handle this fight on my own without your help." However, he was too late, because Hinata's eyes reverted to their earlier red glow at that instant as her fingernails and teeth began to elongate. "Hinata, don't" he yelled. Hinata instead got up and darted to the guy, grabbing him by the throat and rendering him unable to breathe. As the member began desperately gasping, Neji barked "Hinata, let him breathe, at least!"

Hinata did so while continuing to hold up the member. After the member regained his breath, he threw the kunai. Thanks to Hinata jerking him a certain way as he threw it, a lethal blow was avoided as the kunai nicked Neji's other cheek. As Neji nursed the cheek, he heard Hinata angrily mutter something at the guy in Croatian, ending her statement with "…Neji Hyuga."

Neji muttered "what did she…just say?" He immediately heard another spine-chilling snap as Hinata now claimed her second victim before Neji's eyes.

He went pale as Hinata dropped the corpse where she was standing. She then turned to her cousin, reverted to her normal form and asked "you okay, Neji?"

Neji muttered "yeah, I'm fine." After a moment, he then asked "Hinata, what exactly…did you say to that guy."

Hinata replied "I said…" and then repeated it, Croatian and all.

Neji asked "could I have it in English, please?"

Hinata stated "I said 'I will always protect Neji Hyuga'."

Neji felt his stomach drop out as he muttered "protect? Why do you need to protect _me_? I'm only the secondary branch. Main branch cannot protect the secondary branch; it's forbidden!"

Hinata stated "maybe, buy it's _not_ forbidden for an outsider to protect the secondary branch."

Neji muttered "not this again! Hinata, you're _not_ an outsider. You're still part of the main branch. I understand what your father said, but you're still part of the main branch. Why must you protect _me_?"

Hinata blurted out "because you're the only one who can carry the Hyuga name to the next generation!"

Neji spat "_only_ on the secondary; my generation can _never_ be the main branch. Uncle can continue the main branch." Hinata barked "with mother's vasectomy threats? I don't _think_ so!"

Neji, now stunned, asked "vasectomy threats?"

Hinata yelled "yes! Mother said she's had it just raising me and Hanabi; she can't _stand_ another child! This means there's not going to be _any_ male heir in the main branch. You, on the other hand, are going to be the _only_ branch if she follows through! I've had to pose as her to cancel the previous 12 of them in the past month and a half!"

Neji stated "calm down, Hinata. She just needs to realize that it's important for the main branch to have a male heir. Until then, if she keeps making vasectomy appointments, keep canceling them."

Hinata agreed, looked at the corpse of her second victim, and jubilantly muttered "you know. I think I'm finally getting stronger!"

Neji, rocked to his core, stated "Hinata, do you even realize that you don't exactly know how to control that power? You just gained it yesterday afternoon. You haven't seen it's true power, like Naruto has. That's why we need to get to Tsunade to get it removed, and quickly."

Hinata muttered "what? All my life, you needed me to gain strength. Now you want me weak again?"

"Hinata" Neji said, "you don't realize how dangerous this thing is. How do you know that you won't attack a comrade? What happened to the sweet Hinata I knew?"

Hinata barked "I was too weak that way!"

Neji said "if Aunt Diva finds out how you got this power, she's going to slaughter Naruto."

Hinata momentarily went into her form when she stated "not if I have anything to say to that."

She instantly un-transformed as Neji went paler than normal. "You wouldn't" he muttered, "you couldn't. You wouldn't dare kill you own mother. Now we need to get going to Tsunade's." After going further, he saw who he thought was an Akatsuki member land in front of him. "Hinata" he said, "get behind me…_and no funny business_." He turned to the supposed member and spat "if you're after Naruto, you're going to have to fight me."

The member removed the cloak and asked "why would I be after myself?" Sure enough, it was actually Naruto in a disguise.

"Naruto" Neji asked.

Hinata muttered "you sly little fox."

Neji muttered "so you were in disguise?"

Naruto said "yeah. So, what's this 'funny business' of Hinata's?"

Neji told Naruto of how Hinata had killed two Akatsuki members with one hand each (breaking their necks in one quick move). He then finished with "that's why we need to get to Tsunade's."

* * *

They proceeded further, only to encounter another Akatsuki member. "'Scuse me" he said, "but I'm looking for this fox; it's got nine tails on him."

Naruto blurted out "yeah, he stole my wallet. He went _that_ way" and pointed somewhere behind him.

The member said "thank you" and tried to dart off running, when his partner appeared and restrained him with "you idiot! That's him right there!"

Neji gave them an odd look and muttered "is that guy an idiot or something?"

Hinata muttered "I guess he's got the I.Q. of a flashlight."

"Now what do you want" Neji asked the goon.

The partner stated "we _may_ be after the nine-tailed fox, however I'm seeking someone else at the moment." He pointed at Hinata and barked "_you're_ the one who took down my younger brother!"

Neji barked "sorry, but you're not going to lay a finger on Hinata! You'll have to take me down, first." Hinata began convulsing and transforming at that moment. As she was transforming, the latter member's flashlight-I.Q. partner ran off screaming. Neji saw Hinata transforming and barked "Hinata, don't! I can handle him. You don't have to transform!"

Too late. Hinata, now in her demonic form, darted to the remaining Akatsuki member and picked him up by his crotch. Neji winced and muttered "that's got to be pretty darned painful."

The member yelled "not as painful as _this_!" With that, he threw a kunai that gouged its way up Neji's arm.

After Neji yelled out, Naruto yelled "Neji!"

Neji muttered "damn it. That bastard put a huge gash on my arm." He turned to Naruto and said "Naruto, you have to calm Hinata down. I'll be all right for now."

Naruto said "bullshit, Neji, you've got the Grand Canyon carved into you!"

Neji spat "Naruto, we don't have time to argue! Calm Hinata down. I'll be all right!"

Hinata, however, looked at the member and, in her demonic voice, spat "I hope you enjoy your Darwin award." With that, she made a motion with her hand and Neji heard a loud squishing noise.

Instantly, the guy let loose a loud, long-duration scream as Neji was horrified by the guy's blood running out from that locale. "Dear god, she just crushed his…nuts" he muttered.

Hinata dropped the member and hissed "now, get out of here before I do the same with your neck!" The guy ran as best he could as she un-transformed.

Neji muttered "you know he's going to die anyway from blood loss."

Hinata said "and so will you if we don't get you some medical attention now."

Neji barked "I'll be fine! We need to get to Tsunade's, and quickly."

* * *

**After nabbing $20,000 off the Akatsukis, Naruto has left them pretty darned ticked. However, the head honcho thinks Itachi has done a good job and has something planned. Meanwhile, with Hinata containing half the nine-tailed fox, she's already claimed the lives of three Akatsuki members. Can Neji get this out of her system before the biggest event in shinobi history? Can he recover from a nasty injury from one of them?**

**Next Time- Nine Tailed Hinata & The Somad Exams**


	8. Nine Tailed Hinata & The Somad Exams

Itachi arrived at the Akatsuki headquarters in despair. "How could I have been so foolish" he muttered, "I should've known that something was up when Sasuke showed up to try to turn in Naruto."

When he walked into his office, Kisame was there. "So, how'd it go" he asked.

Itachi replied "terrible. We're _really_ screwed as well. Naruto made a fool out of me by transforming into my brother and handing over a shadow clone. Now, he managed to get away with that check."

Kisame inhaled sharply and muttered "oh shit."

Itachi stated "oh shit indeed, Kisame. How are we going to explain this to-?"

The phone rang at that moment and Kisame picked up with "Itachi's office, Kisame here." After a pause he said "one moment" and handed the phone to Itachi.

Itachi answered the phone with "hello."

The head honcho on the other end blurted out "well done, Itachi. You finally managed to capture Naruto."

Itachi thought "oh shit, if they found out that I only got a shadow clone, what'll they do to me?" He then asked "uh, how'd you figure?"

The boss replied "the bank records showed your reward check cleared. We'll be heading your way to get hold of his jinchuriki."

Itachi asked "how long will that be?"

The boss said "about 20 minutes."

Itachi stated "let me guess: lead-foot Lucas?"

The boss said "precisely. We need to test out our prototype jinchuriki extraction machine."

Itachi asked "why can't we use the machine and bring it right back?"

The boss said "you don't know how to use it. We'll be up in a while."

With that, Itachi heard the droning dial tone and muttered "oh man, we're so screwed."

Later, Kisame muttered "we need a plan."

Itachi shot back "we need our own anime show, _that's_ what _we_ need."

Then, he got an idea, picked up the phone, and dialed 6-0-7-9. After a moment, a male voice answered "hello."

Itachi said "Winston, it's me."

Winston asked "what's going on, Itachi?"

Itachi said "I need to see you now; we're in trouble."

Later, Winston was escorted to the brig. "Let me get this straight, Itachi: you want me, Winston Smith, to transform into that kid?"

Itachi said "that's right."

With that, the transformation was done and the honcho later arrived with the machine, which was about the size of a small tool chest. "Hook him up" he spat.

The supposed Naruto yelled "you're not going to get away with this, you bastards!"

The honcho said "calm yourself and shut up."

With the machine hooked up, it warmed up only to suddenly shut down and display some flashing red text reading "Error code: 198-4." The technician looked up the code and muttered "'no jinchuriki detected'?"

After multiple attempts came up with the same error code, Winston's chakra finally ran out and the transformation fizzled out. The honcho barked "Winston?"

Winston muttered "uh…hi, boss."

The honcho asked "Itachi, what's going on?" When Itachi told him of what happened, the honcho scolded "this is not going to look good on your record. You have 5 days to bring in the _genuine_ Naruto or you will be suspended for 6 months without pay! Do I make myself clear?" Itachi acknowledged and the honcho muttered "good. Let's go, boys."

Back in the Leaf Village, Neji, with his injured arm, arrived at Tsunade's place with Hinata and Naruto in tow. However, when he got to the door of her office, he stopped dead in his tracks, got a shocked look upon his face upon reading a sign posted there, and spat "WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'OUT OF TOWN'?" Shizune was casually walking by at that moment, eating a pepperoni calzone. Neji noticed her and barked out "Shizune, where the hell did Tsunade go?"

Shizune swallowed her food and replied "she left around 20 minutes ago after receiving an urgent call from the Kazekage."

Neji was outraged. "You've got to be freaking kidding me" he yelled, "WE NEED HER BADLY!"

Shizune looked at Neji's arm and muttered "no. _You_ need _someone else_ badly."

Neji shot back "I know about my arm. Trust me, no one can ignore this. The hospital is clear across town. How are we going to get there?"

* * *

A jump-cut later, Hinata was carrying Neji into the hospital Superman-style. Neji asked "is carrying me like this _really_ necessary, Hinata?"

Hinata replied "yeah. We had neither gurney nor plywood sheet. _You_ need some treatment, mister! Mine can wait!"

Neji muttered "you just had to be so damn hard-headed. Besides _I'm_ supposed to protect _you_, Hinata! I'm also protecting Naruto as well."

Hinata barked "shut it, Neji" and checked him in.

Soon, he was whisked away. "I cannot freaking believe this" he angrily muttered, "Hinata telling me to shut it? This is bullshit!"

Later, Neji was visited by Sakura. "You know, Neji" she barked, "you can be _really_ stubborn at times!"

As Sakura got some bandages ready, Neji barked back "you think _I'm_ bad? Hinata is worse than me!"

He was then wincing in pain as Sakura started forcefully wrapping the bandages. "Can it, helmet hair. She doesn't have a gouged-out arm" she barked.

Neji barked "my hair isn't like _that_! Next one who insults me will trigger a triple-decker ass whooping."

Sakura, securing the bandages, said "okay. We're done. Oh, please forgive me on the design—that's all I had on me."

Neji said "you're kidding me" and looked. After his eyes bugged out in disbelief, he barked "are you kidding me? _Dora the Explorer_?"

Later, Hinata and Naruto came into the room. Naruto asked "you doing okay now, Neji?"

Neji stated "I'm pretty annoyed right now. Not only am I getting aided by the main branch, but my arm has to be wrapped up with _Dora the Explorer_. I cannot imagine the look on Hanabi's face when she sees this." Sasuke soon entered with a food tray. Neji, hearing his gurgling stomach, muttered "well, at least I won't be _as_ pissed now. Thanks, Sasuke."

Just after the tray was set down, Neji then heard a familiar female voice worriedly yell "OH GOD, NEJI!" Neji looked up and saw Tenten making a mad dash for him. She got to him and was almost in tears as she moaned "Neji, you poor thing!"

As she began crying, Neji muttered "Tenten, I'm okay. Really."

Tenten moaned "I can't lose you! I worry about you!"

Neji muttered "we're just teammates. I'm not going to die or anything."

Hinata remarked "Neji, you don't know the half of it!"

Neji asked "what do you mean by that, Hinata?"

Hinata replied "I promised Tenten that I wouldn't tell."

Neji asked "why else won't you tell?"

Hinata replied "no other reason. I swore a vow of secrecy to her."

Sakura asked "what is this secret?"

Tenten blurted out "you hungry, Sakura?"

Sakura, amidst her stomach gurgling, remarked "yeah. Let's get down to the café."

With that, both girls left. Sasuke, however, noticed Neji looking in Tenten's direction with a certain look on his face. "Neji" he asked, "you okay? You look a little red."

Neji said "Sasuke, Naruto, both of you promise me to secrecy with this. What I'm about to tell you is man-to-man."

Sasuke replied "okay."

Naruto, however, placed his left hand on Neji's stomach, held his right hand in the air, and blurted out "I, Naruto Uzumaki, do solemnly swear that-."

Neji interrupted him with "not like that, Naruto. Promise still accepted."

Naruto said "okay, so what's going on?"

Neji asked "Sasuke, have you ever had a crush on anyone?"

Sasuke blurted out "no."

Neji spat "damn it!"

Naruto remarked "I've had something like that, Neji."

Neji remarked "let me guess: on Sakura."

Naruto and Sasuke simultaneously replied "correct."

Neji remarked "go figure on your part, Naruto. Here's the thing: I never told Tenten this, but I've been falling for her for quite some time."

Sasuke remarked "really?"

Hinata, who had still been in the room the whole time, remarked "so, it _is_ true!"

Neji turned around suddenly and barked "you'd better not say a word, Hinata!"

Hinata spat back "give me one good reason why I shouldn't."

Neji said "I'll tell Naruto _your_ secret if you do."

Hinata stated "point taken."

* * *

Down in the café, Tenten asked "can I ask you something girl-to-girl, Sakura?"

Sakura replied "um, sure. What is it?"

Tenten asked "have you ever had a crush on anyone?"

Sakura replied "yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?"

Tenten replied "I think I might have the same feelings for Neji. That's why I moaned that I couldn't lose him. That's the secret I'm refusing for Hinata to tell him."

Sakura instantly gagged on her Coke and muttered "oh my god. So that's why you were in tears."

Tenten remarked "yes. I can't bear to lose him."

Sakura replied "don't you think that eventually Neji will have to know that you are in love with him?"

Tenten replied "I don't know how I can tell him. I don't even think he'd go for a girl like me."

* * *

Up in the room, Neji stated "I don't know if she'll go for a guy like me."

Sasuke replied "you'll need to tell her sooner or later."

Neji remarked "I'd rather it be later." He then glanced behind him and remarked "oh man, I'm turning into Hinata. I can't believe I'm using her words."

Hinata remarked "kind of fun, ain't it?"

* * *

Later, after both the male and the female talks, Tenten and Sakura returned to Neji's side as Hinata suddenly blurted out "Tenten , you will _not_ believe what Neji thinks about you!"

Neji spat "Hinata, don't you dare!"

Tenten asked "what is it?"

Hinata replied "well the thing is that…" and told Tenten about Neji's feelings—in Croatian.

Tenten, highly perplexed, asked "uh…come again?"

Neji, however, thought "she's saying it in Croatian. That sneaky little girl—at least she'll be able to get away with telling Tenten like that. Since I can't understand a word she's saying, neither will Tenten."

After Hinata repeated Neji's feelings in Croatian again, Tenten, recognizing it as a different language, said "Hinata, I don't speak that language."

Hinata replied "I'm sorry, but I'm not authorized to say it in English."

Tenten taunted "what's the matter? Chicken?"

Neji saw Hinata suddenly freeze her motion and tense up. "Uh-oh" he muttered, "this is not looking good."

Hinata angrily shot "nobody…_calls me_…"

Neji saw her eyes attain their red glow and muttered "oh no, not the nine-tailed fox."

Hinata finished her angry speech with "CHICKEN, TENTEN; _NOBODY_!" Hinata turned around in that state and Tenten instantly went pale.

After hearing his teammate let loose a shrill scream, Neji yelled "Hinata, control that beast! Don't let it control you!"

Tenten whimpered "OKAY, OKAY! I'M SORRY!"

Hinata instantly reverted and remarked "good."

Tenten darted to Neji and, still heavily frightened, asked "what the hell _happened to her?_"

Neji replied "long story. Try to calm down."

* * *

Once Tenten was under control, Neji heard his mom yell "oh my god!"

As his mom rushed in, Neji said "mom, how did you find out?"

His mom answered "Hinata called us; told me to tell everyone except Diva the dodo." Sure enough it was Hinata's stuck-up and highly fussy mom that was being referenced.

Neji soon saw his uncle Hiashi enter along with Hinata's younger sister, Hanabi. "Neji, I heard you were pretty banged up" Hiashi said.

Neji replied "yes, uncle."

Hanabi, however, squealed "hey, it's Dora!"

Neji instantly spat "don't even touch my arm!"

A while later, Hinata had received orders to spend the next couple of days with Naruto. The same held true for Neji. As they made their way back, Hinata said "you two go to the house. I've got to get a little…something." With that, Hinata bolted away.

Neji asked "what's _her_ deal?" After Naruto shrugged, he continued with "I _still_ can't believe no one told him. I can't believe that Hinata never told her own father about either her alternate form _or_ her insistence on helping me; a member of the secondary branch. I've got to let uncle know about this."

Naruto muttered "let's get back to my place, first. I've got something special planned for dinner: herring soba."

Neji asked "how'd you know about my favorite food?"

Naruto did a double-take and muttered "wait, that's your favorite?"

Neji replied "yeah. Judging by your surprised look, I guess you didn't know."

* * *

They later arrived and Neji went up to one of the spare bedrooms in Naruto's little mansion. Hinata later arrived with a mystery object in tow as Neji and Naruto were on the Wii singing _My Heart Will Go On_. During dinner, however, Neji noticed a little something funny under the table: he seemed to be feeling something furry repeatedly whacking his left leg. "What the hell" he thought. When he went to look, he saw that the source as well as the feeling was gone now.

Hinata asked "something wrong?"

Neji replied "yeah. I felt like something was hitting my leg."

Later, as bedtime was drawing near, Neji was on his way up to the bedroom he was using when he looked in the bedroom normally used by Naruto and saw Hinata in there instead. She was wearing an orange bathrobe that appeared four sizes too big and had her toothbrush in her mouth. "Hi, Neji" she blurted through a mouthful of toothpaste.

Neji asked "why are you wearing that thing?"

Hinata replied "it's Naruto's bathrobe. I left mine at home."

Neji suggested "how about I let you finish brushing your teeth first? I could hardly make out any of what that was."

Hinata agreed and completed her dental care. Afterwards, she stated "I left my bathrobe at my place, so I'm borrowing one of Naruto's."

Neji then asked "what are you doing in his room when there are others where you can-?" His question trailed off as he thought of a very naughty reason. "Hinata" he blurted, "don't tell me you and Naruto are going to-."

Hinata said "of course not. He just let me have his room while he'd sleep on the couch."

Neji, perplexed by this, went downstairs to the living room. There, he saw Naruto lying on the couch. "Naruto" he said, "why are you on the couch?"

Naruto pointed downward to an area out of view and said "I need to keep an eye on him."

Neji asked "on…who?"

Naruto then turned to the unseen area and blurted "come on up." Instantly, a large collie jumped up onto the couch and shook itself. "His name's Harvey" Naruto blurted, "Hinata picked him up earlier today."

Neji, heavily stunned, blurted out "a dog? Hinata got a dog? What the hell would she need a dog for?"

Naruto replied "beats me."

Neji muttered "oh crap."

Harvey just smelled Neji's hand a little. Upon his licking it, Naruto blurted out "hey, I think he likes you."

Neji just cringed in disgust and said "that is nasty, but I will admit he's a nice dog. Besides, couldn't the dog sleep where Hinata is?"

Naruto said "why don't you ask her? I'm okay with it."

Neji went up to Hinata and asked "is there a reason that your dog can't sleep with you since it's supposed to obey it's master—you?"

Hinata remarked "I'm not sure if Naruto'd be okay with-."

Neji interrupted with "he just told me that he's okay with that after I asked him that."

Hinata replied "okay" as the dog made its own way up to her. "Come on up, Harvey" she said.

The dog leapt onto the bed with Hinata and Neji remarked "that's better. Besides, if it wants to sleep on the floor, I can make a bed out of a…sheet." Later, as Neji made his way to his room, he muttered "what's Aunt Diva going to do when she finds out about Harvey."

* * *

The next morning, Neji awoke and got into the shower. However, when he had turned the water off, he heard a lapping sound outside the curtain. He peeked out and found Harvey drinking out of the toilet. "Hinata" he yelled.

Hinata's footsteps approached as she asked "what's going on?"

Just as the door started to move, Neji yelled "hey, let me get a towel on first." After wrapping himself accordingly, he said "Harvey, get out of there!"

Hinata got in and saw her dog. "Harvey, get out of there" she said.

The dog got its head out of the toilet as Neji remarked "Hinata, you need to train that thing better."

* * *

Later, as he was napping, he dreamt that he was training with Hinata. After doing a bit of a number on her, she was on the verge of bursting into tears as she moaned "will I _always_ be a failure?"

As Hinata started crying, Neji muttered "Hinata come on. You can do it. You're not going to be a failure." He held Hinata and muttered "come on. You know I hate seeing you cry like this. You just need to have faith in yourself."

He was unaware that, through her tears, Hinata was thinking "wait for it. Wait for it."

Neji moaned "stop crying, Hinata. Just have faith in yourse-."

Hinata instantly stopped crying and lambasted Neji with her signature move, blurting "got you, Neji" before its finale.

Neji staggered up amidst Hinata's laughter and muttered "what a _dirty_ trick." He blurted "that was a dirty trick, Hinata: taking advantage of my emotional weakness like that." He blasted Hinata with his 64-palms move and saw she had gone unconscious. "You're hopeless," he barked.

Hinata's eyes instantly sprang open, now with the InuYasha-ish red glow. She got up and yelled "I'm _not hopeless_!"

Neji, frozen with fear, watched as Hinata darted at him in nine-tailed form. Just as the first strike happened, he suddenly awoke and realized it was only a dream. "Holy crap" he muttered, "I didn't think she'd actually strike me in that form."

* * *

That night, before bed, Hinata was really excited. "Just think, Neji: tomorrow, we'll be competing for this new ninja rank called Somad" she said.

Neji replied "I guess that it's a good thing, since that is a new rank of ninja. Where exactly does it lie, Hinata?"

Hinata replied "it's between Genin and Chunin."

Neji said "how will people know that we're Somad rank? There has to be proof. Does our headband change color?"

Hinata replied "the senseis won't tell us: they don't want to 'spoil the surprise'."

The next day, at the exam arena, everyone was in equally high spirits. Each squad was in their own little party room with more free food than a homeless shelter. The exception to this was that Naruto was to be in a separate party room with Alex, still with an equal amount of food. In Kurenai's party room, Kiba and Shino were waiting for Hinata to show up. "Shouldn't she be here by now" Kiba asked, "what's taking her so long?" Akamaru lifted his head as the door opened. When he started growling in that direction, Kiba asked "what is it, boy?"

Hinata, sure enough, had entered with Harvey in tow. "Easy, Akamaru" Hinata timidly said, "you know me." Harvey, however, started growling back.

Kiba heard this second dog and looked. "Holy crap, Hinata" Kiba muttered, "When'd you get the collie?"

Hinata remarked "I picked him up two days ago."

As both dogs kept growling at one another, Kiba said "Akamaru, calm down. The other dog isn't a threat to you."

As soon as Akamaru stopped growling, Harvey did likewise, as Hinata said "his name is Harvey."

Shino said "nice dog, Hinata."

Kurenai cooed "oh, what a cute little doggie."

Kiba let Harvey sniff his hand, saying "nice to meet you, Harvey. I'm Kiba. This little one is Akamaru, my partner and my pal."

Both dogs sniffed one another and then nuzzled. However, when Shino left for the bathroom, Harvey darted out, with Hinata yelling "Harvey, get _back_ here!"

In Kakashi's room, Sakura and Sasuke were having a bit of a heated discussion. "I _still_ can't believe they're letting Kiba keep that mutt of his in this battle" Sakura whined.

Sasuke replied "not this again, Sakura. You were whining about this during the Chunin exams as well. Just get over it."

Sakura barked "I need to get a few more kunai; I'll be back."

Sasuke, as she left, blurted out "why can't you just let Kiba partner up with who he wants?"

Sakura had closed the door, inadvertently leaving her key card inside. "I just think he could come up with something better than a stupid, smelly old mutt" she blurted. She heard some growling to her left and looked. She then chuckled nervously and muttered "nice doggie. Nice…_big_…doggie." She tugged unsuccessfully on the door handle and yelled "Sasuke! SASUKE, OPEN THE DOOR!"

Sasuke got the door open as Hinata's collie started charging at her. Sakura darted in with the dog following after. Sasuke muttered "what the hell? Whose dog is this?" As Sakura jumped onto the food table with Harvey barking and growling at her, Sasuke snapped his finger and spat "over here, dog." The dog went to him and Sakura was trembling on the table still white as a sheet. "Sakura" Sasuke stated "calm down, the dog is over by me."

Sakura got down and muttered "who the hell is its owner?"

Sasuke noticed the dog's collar and said "I'll look." As Harvey started growling, Sasuke said "hey, hey. I just want to see who your owner is." Harvey smelled Sasuke's hand and promptly licked him on the cheek. Sasuke took the name tag in his hand as he sarcastically muttered "thanks, like I really needed a dog smell." He looked at the tag and was shocked. "Holy crap" he muttered.

Kakashi asked "what is it?"

Sasuke replied "it's Hinata's dog."

Sakura went pale again as she muttered "Hinata?"

Sasuke replied "yeah. I think its name is Harvey. We'd better take this thing back."

Harvey smelled Sakura and gave her two cheek licks. "Yuck" she moaned as she wiped them afterwards, "dog slobber!"

Sasuke remarked "come on, Harvey. Let's get you back to Hinata."

When he had stepped out, he immediately saw Hinata. "Sasuke" she remarked, "you got him."

Sasuke replied "yeah. He came into our party room." With that, Hinata headed back with her dog.

* * *

In the sand village, Gaara was in front of the TV with Kankuro and Temari. "This is going to be awesome" Gaara muttered, "first ever Somad exams."

Temari asked "you want to turn it on already?"

Gaara replied "oh yeah" and turned on the TV.

During some graphics depicting previous exams and the network logo, a male announcer blurted "The Ninja Exams on ESPN. Today, the very first exam of a brand-new rank in the standings: the Somad Exams." The graphics shifted to video clips of each contender in turn as the announcer continued with "Our contenders today are Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Ino Yamanaka, Tenten, Neji Hyuga, Hinata Hyuga, Shino Aburame, Kiba Inuzuka, Choji Akimichi, Shikamaru Nara, and Rock Lee." More archive footage was shown as the announcer blurted out "Watch these legendary ninjas battle it out in a game of skill, courage, and chakra." The picture then turned to a live view of the arena as the announcer finished with "And now, live from the Ninja Exam Arena in Konoha, we present the first Somad Exam in our coverage of the Ninja Exams: only on ESPN."

At the ESPN sports desk, Jessica, seated next to a bearded male, blurted out "hello, ninja world. Welcome to the Ninja Exams on ESPN. I'm Jessica Brown."

The male blurted out "and I'm Robert Oliver. Have we got a show for you today. Plenty of jutsus, battles, and unknown circumstances in the first ever exams for a brand-new rank of ninja: Somad."

Jessie blurted "this rank is between Genin and Chunin, folks. Who knows what we're going to see here in the Hidden Leaf today."

Robert looked down and remarked "the weather is fine, the wieners are hot, and it looks like there is not an empty seat in the house."

The stands were really packed for this event. Even Kagome was attending this with InuYasha and their friends. "You okay, up there, brother" InuYasha asked.

Sesshomaru, from a row further back, replied "yes, InuYasha, as are Rin and Jaken."

Jaken, Sesshomaru's goblin-like servant, barked "hey, don't hog _all_ the peanuts!"

Rin just mockingly replied "wah-wah-wah."

Sesshomaru said "Rin, please be nice and give peanuts to Jaken."

Rin did so, and Jaken said "thanks, me lord."

Shippo was playing with Sango's two-tailed cat, Kirara. Sango yelped out and yelled "none of _that_ here, Miroku."

InuYasha spat "stop being a pervert in a public place."

Miroku replied "my apologies" after receiving a slap from Sango.

Up in Asuma's party room, Ino looked disgustedly at Choji and, through a mouthful of food, blurted out "don't you _ever_ stop eating?"

As Ino swallowed, Choji blurted back "like _you're_ one to talk."

Ino yelled "I know when to stop."

Shikamaru was lying on the couch as a knock at the door was heard. Asuma answered and saw an arena usher. The usher blurted out "I'm here for Miss Yamanaka."

Ino remarked "coming."

* * *

Meanwhile, in Guy's room, Tenten was napping on the couch. Lee barked "why aren't you practicing, Neji? This is the biggest event in shinobi history."

Neji swallowed a mouthful of food and replied "I believe I'm ready."

With a knock at the door, Tenten woke with a start. Guy answered as an usher remarked "Miss Roebuck." Neji, Lee and Guy all had bewildered looks that Tenten oddly lacked at that moment.

Guy asked "who?"

The usher replied "I'm here for Miss Tenten Roebuck."

Tenten blurted "that's me" and went over.

Neji asked "wait, your last name is Roebuck?"

Tenten replied "that's right, Neji."

Neji remarked "I never heard your last name being mentioned at the academy."

Tenten replied "well, maybe you were busy with something else whenever my name was called."

Lee blurted "you were probably busy checking out her-."

Neji interrupted with "Lee, don't."

Tenten asked "checking out my…what?"

Neji replied "nothing. Nothing at all."

Lee stated "he was checking out your cur-."

Neji's hand instantly clapped over Lee's mouth as he remarked "be quiet, Lee, or you'll be getting a can of whoop-ass."

* * *

Tenten and Ino both arrived on the field as the arena's announcer came over the PA with "first up: Ino Yamanaka vs Tenten Roebuck." After Shikimaru and Choji wished Ino luck over the jumbo screen and Neji and Lee did likewise with Tenten, the two girls then faced one another.

Ino blurted out "prepare yourself, Tenten."

Tenten spat back "I'm going to give it everything I've got. You'd better do the same. In fact, I'll let you miss first."

Ino snapped "you little-."

Tenten blurted back "come on. Your mom said you always missed as a kid."

Ino blurted "you're asking for it, bitch!"

The jonin stepped forth and blurted out "get ready."

When the girls struck their poses, he continued with "begin."

* * *

**Tenten and Ino are facing one another in the very first round of the Somad exams. How will the fight turn out? Will Tenten admit her feelings to Neji? Will Naruto's new sensei have made a difference in his fighting?**

**Next Time- Exam Part 2: Naruto's Winning Streak**


End file.
